Shady.com

I know that the actual word is "shaadi". But as anyone who has had some experience with matrimonial websites will attest to, the word shady is a pretty accurate description of some of the people you find there. You'll find profile names like "New_Seduction", or the same person will have five different profiles. And you can easily tell which one was created by the parents ("My daughter is a homely nice convent-educated cultured girl") and which one is by the daughter herself ("I am an easy-going fun girl who loves watching cricket with friends"). This post, as you can already guess, is going to be about my experiences with people I met there.

I actually had to open an account on these websites because I was asked to review others' profiles. No, not girls' profiles for me, but profiles of other guys and girls who my friends were considering. The reason being, after you have looked at 3-4 profiles, the website doesn't let you see any more profiles unless you register. I did delete cookies a few times and kept going back, but it seemed too much effort and so I finally registered. No pictures, no contact info, just simple registration. And I discovered some interesting things.

You know, there are loads of funny email forwards about the stuff people write on their matrimonial profiles, such as this one. In my experience I found most profiles were pretty sober and honest. Of course once in a while you find a gem of a profile, mostly from girls. "No Canada is not a state of the US: don't ask me if I am going to move there". "Yes I do drink alcohol: I have already mentioned that on my profile. Sending me three emails again to confirm wouldn't change it". Ostensibly, guys have been finding it tough to believe that such beautiful and accomplished women would refuse to be charmed by them or be so morally corrupt to touch alcohol. :P

And going through profiles, you think they almost have a template for writing those. "My daughter is a very educated and cultured individual. She has a modern outlook and yet she has deep Indian cultural values"... if I had a mango for every time I read that sentence I'd probably have my own brand of mango jam by now. Or from profiles written by girls, "I am looking for a honest responsible caring person with a sense of humour who will take care of me and will respect my feelings": this is the sentence around which the rest of the paragraph must be built. The question you need to ask yourself is, who will not be looking for someone like that? Would you even consider marrying someone who is irresponsible? Or for that matter how many guys would be interested if you are a stuck-up b**** with an arrogant attitude or an uncouth uncultured person? That is what everyone is, what everyone writes... it is the default assumption! How does your profile write-up set you apart in any manner?

Here is what I had on my profile (as far as I remember): "I believe I am a mixture of two extreme opposites. Some day I'll try to convince you how your jumping off a cliff will help solve global warming, on another day I'll discuss how the media euphemism of climate change is masking the real problem. Sometimes incessant leg pulling and banter is my idea of fun, and sometimes sitting quietly for hours on a moonlit rooftop is my idea of bliss. I could go on about the charming responsible handsome guy that I am, the ideal Mr. Right, you know. But you will never know for sure unless you meet me, right?"

And almost everyone said they were impressed by that. (Hehe... almost a blog post, right?). And it was a basic question... how much can a website tell you about someone? You need to talk to me, right? I also had the basic courtesy to return a message or an "express interest" with either a yes or a no. People told me later on that was also a rather non-universal event; messages to a lot of people disappear into a black hole. Of course I had a free account --- I'd reply only when someone with a paid account would first send me a message :P

And then yes I was contacted by a lot of people whose profiles I did not find so interesting. To all those whose profiles did not seem interesting enough for me, I had a standard reply. "Dear X, Thank you for your interest. Unfortunately I am talking to someone currently and do not want to step on two boats at once. I had a look at your profile and I can see that you are a very nice and educated person. I hope you find your Mr. Right soon." Well, then, what did I seek in my life partner? Much to write there... another post perhaps. But what I wrote in my profile there was just this: "Someone who complements me".