Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The help

Growing up in India, all of us have become accustomed to having someone like a maid or a nurse/caretaker as part of our everyday life. I have had my own share of experiences as well - some of them definitely worth writing about some other day. Right from learning about social faux pas and the political correctness of terms, to being in their position and seeing what it feels like to be treated as one. From almost motherly figures to the stereotypical villains  - tales will be told as the time comes. For now, though, I wish to tell you about one particular incident.

As with most housemaids, it takes a while to build trust and rapport and to not notice a little "shortage" of stuff around the house. From the time she joined our household, we never noticed anything significantly missing. I use the word "significantly" here because we suspected there might be some amount of human error in calculations on our part - the tin of rice which used to last 20 days maybe was sustaining us now for 18 days: nothing to bother about. As per our household rules, we would always cook food for her as well in our daily lunch and dinner, and she would dutifully take it home every day to share with her family. My mother used to always save something extra for her, since she knew it was not just her mouth we were feeding every day.

Then after a couple of months, the "shortage of stuff" kept getting significantly higher. There was a hurried tone in the maid's voice and she always seemed to be leaving the house in a hurry at night. We found some spilled turmeric on the shelves some day, or a few missing eggs from the fridge the other. There was only one suspect, and of course she denied all charges when she was confronted by my mother.

One night, when my parents were away, I went to the kitchen to fetch some water to drink, when I walked in on something I didn't intend to. There she was, sitting on the floor with a newspaper spread out and pouring some Bournvita on it. When I walked in, it took her exactly three seconds to undo the pouring,  put it back in the container, close the container lid, shove it under the nearest shelf, and fold the newspaper into a wreck and "appear" to be caressing/examining it with great detail. Her face, though, was wrought with fear. I could not confront her then, so we both pretended that nothing had happened. I got my water and went back to my study desk.

I told my mother about this when she came back, and then the next morning my mother had a fresh conversation with her. This time, however, she broke down. It turned out that her husband had lost work recently, and she was the only source of sustenance for the family. And somehow, like most under-educated or illiterate poor families, by family I mean they had 5-6 children (and still going). The Bournvita she was taking that day was the only evening meal/snack she had for her children. I cannot tell you how deeply guilty I felt of being privileged at that time, and how helpless I felt. My mother shared my feeling at that time, and gave her a new container of Bournvita and also said that she can take some spices etc. from our household for a month until her husband finds a job as long as she tells in advance.

But the stealing continued. And after a while I think all of us got tired of this cat and mouse game. As far as I remember, her husband probably found work at some other town and they moved out. I haven't heard of them since.

The reason I brought up this post is because I cannot forget the face I saw that day in the kitchen. It was the desperate act of a poor mother trying to provide for her children by all means possible.And it was the face of shame written all over her at the same time, knowing that I had seen it all. I still do drink Bournvita at times (or just chew it down raw), but sometimes when I am buying it at the store or mixing it in my milk, sitting here in the US, I tend to remember that face in the kitchen from 15 years ago.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Do's and don'ts when riding in her car

My wife and I recently had the "privilege" of riding with an acquaintance in her car. While I am happy to report that the two of us survived the ride, I thought it would be prudent to let everyone else know that such a driver is out on the roads. Also, it is important to have these tips handy so that you don't die of heart attack while you are riding inside the car with her. So, brace yourself (and you must do this literally too) and read on...

You might be proud of yourself that you have driven cars in India and you can deal with any kind of traffic - nothing scares you. But my dear tough guy, trust me when I say that you will desperately hang on to that seatbelt of yours. See, in India, you try to save yourself and maneuver around "stuff". In this case, you belong to the stuff. And what scares you is that the rest of the people on the road haven't driven a car in India.

First things first: she will put on her seatbelt, eventually, but after about 5 mins of getting on the freeway. However, within about 30 seconds of her starting the car, you would hastily double check your own seatbelt. The reason: she got honked at twice when she was backing up her car from the parking spot. The calmness with which she zooms back without checking her rearview mirror or glancing back would convince you that she has taken some Art of Living courses, and taken them all too seriously.

Next, you need to learn from her the fine art of drifting across traffic lanes. Similar to the motivational proverb which says "Real men don't use recipes", she can be a champion of the proverb "Real women don't use indicators". Or, for that matter, "Real drivers don't need traffic lanes". So, when she is driving, don't volunteer on her behalf to look out the window at the poor soul in the next lane who had to scurry out of the way. Do keep yourself leaned against the seat at all times. Because you never know when either she would glance at the mirror and save all your lives, or the air bags would pop out and your rib cage would be saved.

A few final words (besides "May your soul rest in peace") for you. Don't flinch when she takes the exit at the last minute and almost hits the yellow splitters full of water cans and old tires. The important thing is she almost missed them (remember the Art of Living calm on her face, and follow the lead). Don't fret when she ignores stop signs or rolls through a red light right in front of incoming traffic - the important thing is that you are still alive. Concentrate on the little joys of life, laugh at the great anecdotes she tells you while staring at you straight for 1 minute without looking at the road, and watch how she deftly fumbles through the CD changer while the steering wheel is used as a handrest. You will definitely find yourself hanging on to the seatbelt at the end of the ride. I told you so, right?

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Remotely troubleshooting your parents machine

If you are helping your parents, relatives or grandparents at home with any kind of pc/laptop issues (since you are a computer person), here is how it generally goes:

Hey Megan, this is your father! How do I print a flowchart?

































But even then, once in a while, you get a different problem - your parents got a new laptop, and a good internet connection, and now you want to install Skype properly on the laptop so that you can see one another. Here is what I did recently to get this done:

  1. Download TeamViewer on the target laptop: If you have a chat program open, paste this link there and ask them to click on it. http://www.teamviewer.com/download/TeamViewer_Setup_en.exe.

    Yup, I know - don't ask them to go and visit the website and download from there: you and they don't share the same screen and it is difficult to locate where the exact content is. In my case, my screen size was bigger than theirs and we spent some time figuring out why they couldn't see the "Download" button, until I figured out that the page needed to be scrolled further. If the folks at @teamviewer are listening - please see if you can make the download button in the first screen itself.

    Make sure you save it on the Desktop - we will come to the cleanups later on.
  2. Download TeamViewer on your own laptop: yes, even if you have it installed, please uninstall and get the installer yourself.
  3. Install together: Go through the installation wizard together - meaning install the software on your laptop as well as their laptop simultaneously, asking them to click on the exact same buttons which you do. Basically, at this point of time although you don't see their screen, you know exactly what they are looking at. Mark it as personal/non-commercial use, and no need to register right now.
  4. Open the other screen: If all goes well, the folks on the other side should get a computer id and password and share those with you. Once you have those, login into the remote machine and knock yourself out with all the cleanups, Skype install, etc. that you want.
  5. Leave the door open: As with any other thing, there are lots of pros and cons of leaving the backdoor open for yourself to login and troubleshoot remotely. I have left the TeamViewer running as a service that starts with the computer, for all future debugging and troubleshooting help.

To the folks who built this software - God bless you all for simplifying the process so much, and making non-commercial usage free!

30 days later

So I picked up the task of blogging for 30 days straight. As you might know, I have tried to follow the letter of the law: I have posted some regular write-ups during the course of this time. I have put in some placefillers as videos, and even put in some "nothing" posts just to make a post for the day. I have also slipped in my schedule during the end of this stretch - even back-dated posts and videos were not posted. Overall: blogged 24 times out of the scheduled 30. 11 of these 24 posts were placefillers, and 13 were regular posts. I do plan on adding 6 other videos or songs on to the list to make up for the lost days.

What good has come of this, you may ask. Well, if nothing else - it has broken off my writers block! I think that was the real intent of this exercise: to get you started on whatever you wish to be doing. And this worked for me! Similar to the Star Trek commander training exercise where the purpose of the test is not to be able to defeat the system but to understand what it feels like to be under pressure, I think the purpose of this exercise was to get into the habit of posting something regularly - which is something I have done. I don't feel guilty posting the rest of the placefillers just to make sure there _IS_ something for 30 days :)

It certainly feels good to be back! :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

What you did not hear me say

 I always wonder about the things left unsaid at social gatherings. The benign condescending smile, the fake laugh, the artificial excitement of meeting your "friend" after a while - I almost feel it is a minefield of social faux pas out there when you walk into a gathering! And the trouble is that I don't get most of it.It almost makes me feel like I want both lemon and cream in my tea.

I have noticed the following three ways where you can definitely be sure you have said the wrong thing or taken the wrong side:

1. When, following your "expression of doubt" at a person's statement, she asks what your problem in life is. :D This question is usually accompanied by a half smile, glancing away from you and seeking others who might join in the smile, taking a dramatic sip of extremely hot tea which in itself leads to a further curled lip while executing the smile. You might want to take a mental note at this time of what a balloon looks like just when you've jussst punctured it.
Remedy: Declare that you have a problem with everyone and everything in life.

2. When, you mention something too "gross" for the present company (who secretly relish hearing the words and also drool over the fact that they can bitch about it later on). The scandalized look on their faces is nothing you should be worried about - you just made them feel awesomely superior and reaffirmed their faith in their own child's innocence. The priceless expressions around you are worth noting for their intrinsic and uncanny similarity with a furious Mayawati.

3. When you wife/girlfriend gives you "the pinch". You know what and when it happens. The priceless expression to note at this time is your own (quick - go find a mirror!), since you know what is coming while you try to desperately figure out what are the million ways in which you just screwed it up for yourself! :D


The last word... never accept defeat until you see yourself dead.