Forward me please

Greetings, my email-forwarding friend. In view of the undying sincerity with which you have been forwarding all previous emails, I trust that you shall do the same justice to this one as well. Instead of all the previous scams where Bill Gates did not share his fortune with you or those millions from the rebel general's bank account from Nigeria never came... trust me, this is real. You don't have to worry about increasing the size of something or about bad luck coming your way because you did not forward some multi-coloured alphabet to at leasst 50 more weirdos like you. No madam, no such worry.

Answer the simple questionnaire I have prepared below, and you shall know the true nature of your madness. Oh did I say madness? I'm sorry -- I meant that if you answer these questions faithfully, I the mind-reader can reveal the traits of personality which determine your true love type. This has been verified by 108 sorceresses and fortune tellers, and they have unanimously agreed that these questions can truly determine, "What kind of a lover are you?"

Serious answers, only -- keep a list of your answers on a piece of paper:

1. What is 2+2?
a) 4
b) 0
c) 22
d) 5

2. What is your favourite colour?
a) red
b) blue
c) green
d) yellow

3. When you enter a party, you prefer to enter from the ___ side:
a) east (you're the sunrise type)
b) west (the sunset type)
c) north (you're the cold wintry type)
d) south (you're the hot summer type)


4. Which quote do you think applies to you the most
a) Friendship is like an apple; it always falls on Newton's head
b) Friendship is a goat; you must always keep feeding it to get the milk
c) Friendship is like a broken pencil; you must sharpen it to use it
d) Friendship is a trash can; your friends cover up the smelly stuff for you

5. Steve Jobs is sharing his fortune. How many people should you forward this email to if you need $100?
a) one person
b) seven people
c) seventeen people
d) everyone on your contact list

6. If you do not forward this email, Shree Param Sai-bar Baba will
a) curse you into eternal damnation
b) make you lose your job
c) get your butt kicked by the next enunch you meet
d) all of the above


Now, don't cheat! Make sure you have your answers jotted down, and scroll below.






















No you need to scroll a little more ;)




















Okay so here we go.

1. 1. It is always 4, you idiot. You actually answered that question and thought it had a bearing on your "love and friendship", didn't you? What other stupid things have you answered in your life to determine which type of lover you are? I have the answer - the idiotic kind.
   
   
2. 2. Now, how exactly does the choice of a favourite colour determine what kind of a lover you are? Or for that matter, how does it determine anything other than your favourite colour? I am so fed up of seeing this question on Facebook quizzes, stupid forwards, offline Yahoo messages... Seriously, get a life and choose black, you moron!
   
   
3. 3. Again, how does it matter? Do you ever stop to question the rationale behind these questions when you eagerly answer them? Really... you are the hot hot sizzling summer type if you enter a party from the south?! I know your type -- the dumbass type.
   
   
4. 4. Apple, goat, broken pencil and trash can -- hahhahahaha... is that what you think of friendship? I am really tired of all you jackasses sending these absolute phlegm-atic dainty cupcake quotes everywhere. Go read some real literature if you want to read and/or find quotes. And stop forwarding and leaving these pithy quotes on my orkut scrapbook!
   
   
5. 5. Yeah right... Steve Jobs is sharing his fortune! Please stop forwarding these pieces of junk - they are worse than those "increase your size" emails! And you think he has time to keep track of every single one of the million emails forwarded thus? Also, do you really think anyone should be able to see who you are sending what emails to? Finally, even if you were as rich as he, will you ever share fortune with anyone who sends any lamebrains email?
   
   
6. 6. Hahahaa... my favourite! Seriously, what kind of a "cyber-baba" do you pray to who can even read/send email? And what kind of a god punishes people for not sending out emails? You know, even if all of those things happened to you, you will still forward these pieces of garbage. If you want favours from any such Baba/Ma, please go and donate some money somewhere: that'll do.

So, my dear friend, hope you have achieved enlightenment and are on your path to Nirvana. Please forward this email to everyone you know so that they may also see the light.