Positive dis-service

Positive dis-service: the credit for coining this term (as far as I know) goes to Swapan da from my days at the Ramakrishna Mission. Time and again in my life, while I'm helping others, I have felt that I might actually be doing them harm by making them dependent upon my help or service, rather than equipping them so that they may do it for themselves.

I had a friend in school who usually slept through some classes which were deemed boring by public opinion. In the back bench, he would enjoy a peaceful siesta while I took running notes for the history lesson and come back to my hostel to read them or write answers for the homework. Sometime in the middle of the semester, he had come to me once for help and I happened to dig up my class notebook and told him the answer after consulting it. Soon, this became a habit -- he would come to me just a day before the homework was due, and I had to explain to him what was required to answer the questions. He wasn't the best brain in the class, and I initially felt as if I was doing my duty as a fellow student and friend by helping him with the notes. It was true, except for the fact that he became dependent upon me -- he slept in more classes: biology, physical sciences, and would take up more of my time and/or borrow my notes more often. I talked to Swapanda and realized that I was actually doing him a dis-service by helping him. As per his advice, I warned my friend once that I will not help him so much any further; but he did not seem to heed it then. It was tough the first time when I turned his request down -- I had to inure myself to the feeling of guilt and his pleas. But soon I realized that what I was doing was right, and felt happier about it later on.

The lesson came handy even later in my life. When I was preparing for the GRE and applying to the US universities, I became a member of a number of forums, among which the edulix forums were the most useful. One day, a guy posted a list of contacts of professors from various universities who were looking for research assistants. He had painstakingly researched for a month and had ploughed through dozens of websites mining for these. While a lot of his fellow students thanked him profusely, some seniors told him that he was doing the stupid thing. The fruits of his labour were his own, and that he was actually doing wrong by posting them in the face of the competition he faced among his peers. A debate ensued, and after some time when I chipped in with this particular term and agreed with the seniors (even though I had already mailed most of the professors by then), I think we were able to reach a consensus.

You might be curious about where this is going or why I am posting this here. Actually, sometimes it helps to write out one's own thoughts. I believe it reinforces the logic in our heads and also serves as a written record of our thinking to which we can refer back later on. Don't you ever go back and read the archives on your own blogs? The best part about posts such as these, of course, is that it opens the floor for discussions in the comments section. As for example, I sometimes think that the role models we were taught as a child who gave away everything they had even when they couldn't afford it or needed it themselves were wrong. These are mostly saints or "great" personalities who inspire us by their actions otherwise. I disagree: I think being selfish at times is good, and even necessary for self-preservation. While giving it all up for the sake of someone else might seem like a very romantic idea, it might actually seem very stupid once the emotional euphoria is over. Tell me, were they doing positive dis-service as well?