Junk

I am moving out of my university to join work. PhD plans are shelved for now -- lets wait for a couple of years and find out how much I really want it. It is time now to say goodbyes to professors and friends, change addresses, return keys and clear out offices and drawers. Like my mother said today, this will be another chapter of my life that is coming to a close.

A lot of people keep asking me, how does it feel? Truth be told, I don't feel a thing. Yeah so I'm leaving. Will I be missing my apartment, my office, my desk? Not really... and it is tough to explain why. Actually, I think some people are either disappointed or even offended when I say this, and almost everyone refuses to believe me. This post is sort of trying to explain the why or how to them: more importantly recording my own thoughts to read them some years down the line and analyze myself.

The point is, I don't get attached to things so easily. Things, people, places -- they serve as points of reference for future analysis. I reminisce often (for example on this blog): but that is more to find out what I've learned from the experience or association rather than actually "miss" them. Experience has taught me that getting attached without absolute certainty can lead only to pain. Because your expectations rise exponentially, you automatically and even unconsciously become vulnerable to anything remotely related to that person, place or event. The worst part is, you cannot take an impartial judgement about that situation or person. Remember Boman Irani's speech in Munnabhai MBBS about him doing a surgery if his daughter was under the knife? He said his otherwise rock steady hand would falter. Believe me, I have considered closing this blog for 6 months or a year just to see whether I'm attached to it or not. I suppose I didn't do it because I knew I'd be fine -- if it is a challenge of my perseverence, bring it on! :)

I am discarding a pencil box that has been with me since I was in class 4: it has served its purpose now and I no longer need it. I am discarding a lot of old clothes which "kind of" fit me. If something tags along with you which you will probably use only once or twice again in your life or even in a year, you should rather get rid of it. Especially if you are a bachelor who lives out of a suitcase, literally. The cost of keeping and maintaining it and taking it along everywhere you go really outweighs the simple act of buying the same thing anew, if it comes reasonably cheap. You cannot get rid of a formal suit, for example: the benefits of keeping it are greater than buying a new one every time. But I am getting rid of all cards I've received in these two years of stay, I'm discarding little crystal gifts and decorative pieces that were gifts to me. I mean no disrespect: in fact I have been really glad every time someone gave them to me. The act of giving has mattered a lot at that time -- it is tough to explain how wonderful it feels when someone remembers you when you don't expect anyone to. But I have no place to put them: and although I feel a little guilty in discarding these, I know that I will be beside my friends whenever they need me. I don't need to keep a showpiece with me to keep reminding me of my loyalty. Heck I even want to dump my graduation robes if I can: it is not going to be of any use at any time in my life. But I'm keeping them for now: my mother would be very happy to see them. They aren't junk yet.