Beardy tales

When God made his creatures, he thought he should add something to the male of each species to make them look better. The lion begot its mane, the peacock its feathers and we men received our share of beards. The rest of the animals accepted their gifts gracefully. The lion didn't paw its own mane out, peacocks don't pluck their own feathers. We humans, however, have to shave.

My grandfather used to rub his cheeks against mine fondly when I was a kid, and his day or two old white stubbles used to tinge and nib my chubby cheeks. It was a lot of fun, but then I used to wonder when I would get my own beard. Elders used to laugh at me, assuring me that the time will come: and I looked on with innocent wonder. By the time I was in Class 9 or 10, the two of my classmates out of a hundred who had a full beard were the object of general admiration and authority on many subjects. One of them even acquired the nickname of 'dari', the Bengali word for beard.

The first sprouts on my cheeks came around class 11 or sometime. The initial hairs used to be so soft and flowing --- I think they added a little to the nerdiness that I needed to cultivate then. Every now and then, I would run my palm over my moustache down to my chin tapering off the beard as if in deep contemplation. And while I did that, out of the corner of my eye I would be very aware of anyone watching me so that I had a self-important look and feel about myself: I had to look "manly". At that time, scissors still worked on the beard: I didn't need razors yet. My sister had volunteered on some occasions to practise her cosmetological skills on me, and she was amazed how quietly I could sit around her when she had the blade at my throat. :)

Along came the day when I had to shave for the first time. Upon my mother's insisting, dad had given me a 2 min crash course in shaving (meaning I had stood there and watched him shave, while he narrated what he was doing and all intermittently asking about the progress in studies). When my turn came, I was so proud and confident of myself. The little cuts on my cheek and chin spilled a little blood from here and there from some bruised pimples, some areas under the jaw remained full of unshaved random stubbles, and boy did the after-shave hurt! But I came out beaming with pride, sporting an ear-to-ear grin while mother fussed over why the blood hadn't fully stopped yet.

That day set off a long set of experiments with various styles of beards and moustaches. Right from damn serious-looking moustaches to funky french-cut beards... been there done that all. And the fun of accidentally slipping a part of the moustache so that you have to crop it all, or convincing a friend that he would look better without a moustache and then forcefully shaving off his moustache so that you can mock him in full view of everyone else... muhahahaha!! :D Somehow in an engineering college, friends never forget to remind people without a beard (the late bloomers, that is) that it somehow indicates masculinity and therefore their chances of finding a bride were going to be difficult. Oh the evil grins with which that verdict used to be pronounced! :D

However, shaving now has reduced to a need-to-do basis. Some party coming up? More importantly, will there be girls there? I'll go fully shaved and groomed! First day at work? I'll go spic and span. But a normal working day at the lab or at school? Baah, who cares! All that used to be fine until sporting an unshaved look became the cool thing to do courtesy Hrithik Roshan or Abhishek Bachchan. And the poor losers are lazy people like me, who are accused of imitating these buggers. But the simple answer becomes, WTF cares what others think? But I'll tell you what the best part of having a beard is. You shave yourself clean in the morning and sometime in the evening you run the back of your palm over the chin to feel the evening shadow: that feels energizing. You have been pondering over a lab experiment for a week and haven't shaved. Then suddenly the idea clicks, and you type the solution in furiously and get the results! To celebrate, you go and take a shower, and then shave off the week-long beard. That makes you feel fresh... and young! :)