Can't hide my status

I don't know about you, but I find it so easy to put a simple status message on Google Talk or Yahoo Messenger and let everyone know whats up in my life. Like, you type in "Busy with assignments" and nobody bothers you unless something is really important. Or you set a message that says, "I really want to be talkative today" and some volunteers come along for sure! :) But today, I was a little confused regarding what to put up there. My last status message was actually outdated, and that status message seemed delusional to my own self -- that wasn't me!

Actually, I was feeling bad, feeling blue, and a bit depressed. Something like when I was homesick, but this time it was more than just that: I wasn't even sure what was getting me down. And, as I mentioned to someone today, it was actually about a year back. I seem to get these yearly attacks of depression --- and get out of it after some kicking of a football and then a good night's sleep. Well, anyway, before I go off to sleep today, exhausted as I am after kicking that darned ball (kicking around free balls feels so good, I tell you), let me tell you something interesting that happened.

I was actually into this well of self-pity, and was wallowing over what could have been, what the picture-perfect life would have been, etc. I was basically imagining control over things which I knew I couldn't control: something like the hope I had been harbouring. Things had built up, and I was really depressed. And I didn't know what to do, except kicking something about, maybe. And then I logged into my computer, and pop came up Google Talk asking me to login. And then, I thought: what the heck, lets just put a message there. So I began to type "The man who doesn't know why", but somehow after I had typed in "The man who", I began to wonder if it was what I really wanted to say. Immediately a message popped up from a lady: "Hey, 'the man who' what??" Well, after a few exchanges, I was convinced I had to change it. So I put it instead to "Why does life have to be this way?" --- only for a moment until the usual GTalk "Available" message came on :). I wasn't really expecting anyone else to come and ask, but again, a sister pinged up and again asked me what was wrong.

I was really surprised: I mean, it was there was just a second, and I had took it down immediately. But someone had noticed, and asked about it. She started asking, "Was it something someone said, someone did? Or was someone supposed to say something and they did not?" Honestly, although that did throw in some pointers, I couldn't pinpoint one thing that was really it. Things just build up, you know. And then the worst part is trying to tell someone what exactly is wrong. I mean, it is just so difficult to articulate some things, especially at times when all you want to do is to kick things around and just give it to someone or somebody --- god bless these inflatable little balls. Anyway, it is damn difficult, believe me it is. I am a good listener, a great person to talk to when you are down ("You can cheer up a dead guy", as someone told me). But it was a completely different thing when you are down yourself.

So I was explaining things up... and damn sure I had to change the status message. Somehow these ladies were always ready to suggest something to help me with. One of them sent me an MP3 song over the messenger to listen to, telling me that she was there to listen in case I wanted someone to talk to. Another one really wasn't sure about me: offered to call me up and help me. Oh well, even as I type, I think I forgot to take that message off, and again a friend and a junior pinged up asking why. I'm better already, I sure am, and now that status message is off from both Google Talk and Mail. Funny how people come forward to help you out. This is just to assure everyone who noticed and wanted to tell me that I am a really a good person and it takes a real inferno to get me down and all that --- I am okay, I really am. Don't worry: I don't remain down for long. Guess what my status message reads right now? "Available" :)