You must speak up

I was in Class VIII then: in my hostel. One sunny afternoon in winter, our chief hostel warden and the warden summoned about 5-6 students to the dormitory roof, apparently for a little 'chat' with all of us. I was there on the list, and somehow the conversation drifted to which students were 'goody-goody' nincompoops who could only study and were otherwise butter-fingered monkeys, etc --- a pithy expression for whom in Bengali is 'Nadu Gopal'. There was some fun being thrown around: why someone does qualify and someone doesn't, who is a Nadu Gopal, and such. Suddenly, the Chief Warden asked, "So, who do you think among you here is the most suitable to be called 'Nadu-Gopal'?" There were some mealy-mouthed 'Yes', 'No'-s and then he asked me straight, "Sudipta, who do you think?". I took a look around, picked one fellow and pointed fingers at him and said, "That person: him!" Upon hearing my answer, the general silence that had engulfed us as soon as this question was asked disappeared into sudden mirth in the entire group. The said person didn't seem so happy about being pin-pointed, and the Warden was shaking his head in a silent grin. I thought it was funny, too, until at night the Warden summoned me to his room alone and told me, "You shouldn't answer questions like that".
"But YOU asked!!", was my reply.
"Yes, I know, we will ask such questions. But you must know what to answer and what not".

That moment, I'll say, redefined a lot of things for me. I used to inherently and implicitly trust all elders, used to respect their opinions and easily answer things to the best of my knowledge and belief. But somehow the fact that they too could trick you, lead you into false situations and have fun at your expense was a shock. Why, why couldn't life be straight? Why couldn't people speak directly what they meant? I don't think I'll ever understand that.

I guess this problem with me still persists. I really cannot feel what someone is missing or what he/she wants me to do: you have to tell me explicitly. Today I will never walk into a trap like that: there is some amount of cynicism that has crept into my psyche I guess. But I still am a person who asks once, and believes your answer. And I do give straight answers myself --- I love brutal honesty over implicit expectations that I cannot meet because I don't have a clue to what you really want. I remember when I came to this place about having a conversation on splitting the food budget with my room-mate: who pays for what, etc. He had told me that he had never had to have a conversation like that with his former room-mates: they sort of implicitly split it. I had to apologise, but I needed it straight. In fact, I think we get along well together now because we had had that conversation.

How good or bad this is I don't know. Sometimes I wish I had the power of intuition of my sister or my mother. But sometimes I think I am better off without it. I rarely guess about things --- and my guesses about what people are thinking usually turn out to be deadly accurate. But then: these moments of truth happen very rarely; I am very dumb most of the time regarding these things. I have to know what exactly you want, even if once, to interact easily with you. You must speak up.