Export quality

One of the didis of mine really bashed me up for mentioning 'export quality' about some girls who I saw at the International Airport. So, with all due apologies to all womanhood, I am posting here a part of the mail that I wrote to her in reply.

"Finally, about the export quality stuff. When I say someone is export quality, I mean to say that he or she is good enough to represent the country abroad, either internally or externally. I hope that you already know this, but I'll repeat the fact that most of India's exports (I mean the material exports) are the best of the produce in here. For example, I am not sure if you know the various grades of sugar, but what you find in the market is C grade sugar, what you get at ration shops is D grade, and what you might encounter in some rare sweets shops (the most expensive ones) is the B grade sugar. The A grade sugar is almost always exported, as the value for money is the highest in there, and also because it is the purest and the sweetest part of the sugarcane juice.

So, when I brand someone as export quality, I mean to say that he or she is good. When I said that the girls I saw at the airport were export quality, I meant that they can move about in the crowd on the foreign shores without drawing stares. To be honest, their dress-sense, the way they talk, etc. is not what you normally encounter, or at least I didn't see such 'phenomena' before coming to Mumbai. It may be just the effects of a small-twon boy coming to a big city, but that is just what I thought. But beware, before you begin to think anything else about me, let me inform you that some of the best friends I made among the crowd here are girls who can speak the American lingo, walk, talk and dress like them... in short, some of my best friends here are all export quality. I am not demeaning anybody, I am merely stating that they are as good as foreigners, and therefore, perhaps of 'export quality'. Why, for that matter even I am of export quality... I am among the cream of the lot here, and therefore deserve higher education, and am proud of belonging to the export quality. But at the same time, I am not a misfit here either. Also, since all those girls were in fact standing at the airport, I had put in that 'export quality' term for a double-headed effect.

About hanging out at the airport with friends, yes--- why not? I am a man, and my head does turn when I see a female. I cannot help it, and do not want to help it. Sisters, didis and other folk are a different story; I cannot even dream of anything else with them. But you cannot ask me to pretend to be something which I am not."

This might sound ridiculous or something, but please be assured that I am sane till now. Sorry for the tirade, didi, and dear readers. I just cannot help it.