A lot of people have asked me over the years why I was given a girl's name: Sudipta. Actually, in Bengali you pronounce it as Sudipto, but the correct translation from Sanskrit is Sudipta. Sort of like you call Ram as Rama, सुदीप्त gets written as Sudipta. In the US, almost everyone struggles to pronounce my name. So I ease it for them, by saying "Call me Su". I am told there is also a song that goes by that name, but we're digressing here.
The fun with having a name that spells like that of a girl is that a lot of people also assume that you're a girl when they haven't met you. This includes email groups, mailing lists, potential employers, pen-pals... the list goes on. Some people are heartbroken when they come to know about this: one dude from Bangalore even added me on his IM, called me via Google Talk, and then upon hearing my voice decided to commit suicide (well, almost). :D On the other hand, when girls interact with me, they assume that I'm a girl. And then they come to know the truth, they are very surprised (and I always pray to God that they should be 'pleasantly' surprised). But I don't know whether that adjective applies.
So when I am bored, once or twice a year I log into a Yahoo chat room. My yahoo id begins with 'sudipta', so it is usually a lot of fun getting into these chat rooms. You wouldn't believe the incredible amount of pick-up lines I've learned by visiting them. As soon as I enter, about 10-12 windows open up within a couple of minutes. The usual ones go as "22/m/mumbai" or "hi, wanna chat?". But there are some extreme lameass shayaris such as "Aap aaye to jaise is chatroom mein chand aa gaya" (When you joined the chatroom, it was as if the moon shone here). And of course, there are some slimy gropers who begin with "Hey baby what are you wearing today?". :D I am usually grinning when these IMs pop up, but it is fun playing along and then shattering their mental image in the end. One guy, however, even in the end of the chat refused to believe me, until I had to release a barrage of words we used in engineering hostels to express ourselves. He was very convinced after that :D And don't even get me started on the way the queen's language is sodomized in such conversations.
One of these days, I was extremely bored, and I mean extremely bored. So I joined a chat room in Kolkata which had enough members. Pretty soon, a lot of IM windows popped up. After explaining to a few people that I wasn't interested, one guy seemed particularly desperate to chat: part sleazy messages, some random shayari, some emoticons of roses, etc.. It became a torture answering the interrogation: where do I live, what do I study, how many siblings do I have. And the guy wouldn't go away.
Now I had this brilliant idea... what cannot be cured must be endured! I became the cute-eyed damsel in distress and told him that I am new to the whole chatting thing. I had just come there because someone suggested this for some personal help I needed: some private counselling. Needless to say, this guy was very interested. Within 5 minutes he divulged everything about himself: such and such college, 4th year, living in hostel, home in this place, etc. He was even prepared to come down to meet me! Now he was very curious about what private and personal counselling I needed. So I explained:
- I'm 26 years old, and my parents have fixed my marriage.
- oh you don want arranged married? Wanna love marriage?
- Not exactly... I don't know anything about sex.
- o.k. I can tell you everything! Pretend that I'm your husband and it is the suhag raat
. . .
. . .
What followed was a complete description of what you can imagine. While I rolled about on my bed laughing, this guy proceeded to explain the intricate details of what clothings look like, et cetera. Every once in a while, I would interrupt by saying, "You cannot do that!" or "No, I will not allow it..." and he would proceed at length to explain why it should be 'allowed'. And while he was at it, I was laughing... I think I even fell off the bed in glee once. :D Finally, when it was time for him to show his assets, it became too much for me to handle. As a guy, as long as someone is describing female features, it is okay: but otherwise it gets a little nauseating. I suddenly typed in all caps: "OMG YOUR DICK IS SO SMALL -- ONLY 2 INCHES!!'. The guy was scandalized. He tried to convince me so earnestly, "No no no ... it is really long". And at this time I was almost in tears while laughing. And I did the best thing I could imagine -- I suddenly logged off. :D
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
এক কথায়
I was just able to finalize the settings of my Bengali blog, called Ek Kothai (এক কথায়). For those unfamiliar with the language, it means, "in short" or "in one word". Please visit or bookmark it -- I wish to make that my own Twitter, to record the snippets from my life.
Also, you might need to hit Control-Plus a few times to get it to a readable font size.
Also, you might need to hit Control-Plus a few times to get it to a readable font size.
Monday, May 05, 2008
What happens in Kolkata, stays in Kolkata
I know, Kolkata ain't Vegas. A lot of wonderful comments came in when I declared that I will be visiting USEFI for a guest lecture. Which was all fine, until Shreya suggested that I reveal the details, and I thought about the incident again. So, here's the story:
It was I who had initiated the process in the first place. I had emailed the coordinator at USEFI Kolkata asking if he could arrange a short gathering where two of us at www.edulix.com could come and spread the word about the website. As soon as he said yes, I did not waste a single moment in publicizing this. Family knew first: my mom was of course thrilled to know this. I started dropping hints 'subtly' to my friends:
- "Hey, I'm going home this December. You need anything from Kolkata?"
- "Umm... not really... but wait! You don't live there, do you?"
- "Naah, but you know, I have been invited to give a guest lecture at USEFI, Kolkata"
- "Oh really? Cool!"
Or here's a better way of bringing up the topic with relatives living in or around Kolkata:
- "Hey, can you tell me how I reach this USEFI center at Kolkata?"
- "Err... why do you need to go there?"
- "Oh I've been invited there for a guest lecture" [in the most offhand dismissive fashion I could muster]
From a self-initiated blabber out of the blue, I was already invited to be a guest lecturer at the place. I found a million other excuses to bring up the topic whenever the word 'Kolkata' was uttered. When people asked me about my itinerary at home, I would blabber it all out, except the date when I was supposed to be at the center. They would inevitably ask, "And what are you doing that day?" So, it was they who wanted to know about it, not me spreading the word. Heh... heh... heh.
The co-ordinators at USEFI then decided to tie the event into the itinerary of a day-long expo at the center, concluding with a panel discussion on what to expect as life in the US as a student. This was where I was supposed to come in, and some other speakers were invited to be on the panel as well. When I came to know of this, here is how I presented it to people: "You know, since I'm giving a guest lecture there, they have scheduled a day-long event around it!". Never mind mentioning that it was a panel discussion and not a guest lecture; and that I will not be the only person giving the lecture that day. Hehe... like they say, never let the truth come in the way of a good story. :D
On the day, I made sure I dressed like a cool dude. Even though there was a nip in the January afternoon air, I wore just a T-shirt that proudly proclaimed "Texas", a cool denim, shaved myself prim and proper, put on a lot of deodorant, and reached there about 30-40 mins earlier. When no-one really knows you, it is never a good idea to be late. I asked them since I was early, if I could stroll through the USEFI library. I was allowed in with special privileges: you generally need a membership card to go in. "He's on the panel today: please let him in" :)
And then the discussion began. Given a chance to brag about the university, you don't really need to pull your punches, and that too about a top-10 CS department. A lot of 'interesting' ladies were there in the audience, and so after I said that I am working in the field of Artificial Intelligence, I also added, "3-4 years down the line, I would be one of those mad scientists making evil robots" :D. People knew right away that I had a great sense of humour!
Afterwards, all of us on the panel were asked to take up different parts of the room so that people with any questions could come and ask us any individual questions. After initially disclaiming that I didn't know anything beyond CS, and that too beyond much of Machine Learning and Natural Language Processing, people still had questions about every field. So, I proceeded to enlighten people about everything from Business Schools in Los Angeles to how to arrange for funds if you're planning to study Astronomy and Radio Physics. Man, I felt so important when even after I stepped out, people (and that includes pretty girls) kept asking for my email address. :D
So now you know, what happens in Kolkata, stays in Kolkata. :)
It was I who had initiated the process in the first place. I had emailed the coordinator at USEFI Kolkata asking if he could arrange a short gathering where two of us at www.edulix.com could come and spread the word about the website. As soon as he said yes, I did not waste a single moment in publicizing this. Family knew first: my mom was of course thrilled to know this. I started dropping hints 'subtly' to my friends:
- "Hey, I'm going home this December. You need anything from Kolkata?"
- "Umm... not really... but wait! You don't live there, do you?"
- "Naah, but you know, I have been invited to give a guest lecture at USEFI, Kolkata"
- "Oh really? Cool!"
Or here's a better way of bringing up the topic with relatives living in or around Kolkata:
- "Hey, can you tell me how I reach this USEFI center at Kolkata?"
- "Err... why do you need to go there?"
- "Oh I've been invited there for a guest lecture" [in the most offhand dismissive fashion I could muster]
From a self-initiated blabber out of the blue, I was already invited to be a guest lecturer at the place. I found a million other excuses to bring up the topic whenever the word 'Kolkata' was uttered. When people asked me about my itinerary at home, I would blabber it all out, except the date when I was supposed to be at the center. They would inevitably ask, "And what are you doing that day?" So, it was they who wanted to know about it, not me spreading the word. Heh... heh... heh.
The co-ordinators at USEFI then decided to tie the event into the itinerary of a day-long expo at the center, concluding with a panel discussion on what to expect as life in the US as a student. This was where I was supposed to come in, and some other speakers were invited to be on the panel as well. When I came to know of this, here is how I presented it to people: "You know, since I'm giving a guest lecture there, they have scheduled a day-long event around it!". Never mind mentioning that it was a panel discussion and not a guest lecture; and that I will not be the only person giving the lecture that day. Hehe... like they say, never let the truth come in the way of a good story. :D
On the day, I made sure I dressed like a cool dude. Even though there was a nip in the January afternoon air, I wore just a T-shirt that proudly proclaimed "Texas", a cool denim, shaved myself prim and proper, put on a lot of deodorant, and reached there about 30-40 mins earlier. When no-one really knows you, it is never a good idea to be late. I asked them since I was early, if I could stroll through the USEFI library. I was allowed in with special privileges: you generally need a membership card to go in. "He's on the panel today: please let him in" :)
And then the discussion began. Given a chance to brag about the university, you don't really need to pull your punches, and that too about a top-10 CS department. A lot of 'interesting' ladies were there in the audience, and so after I said that I am working in the field of Artificial Intelligence, I also added, "3-4 years down the line, I would be one of those mad scientists making evil robots" :D. People knew right away that I had a great sense of humour!
Afterwards, all of us on the panel were asked to take up different parts of the room so that people with any questions could come and ask us any individual questions. After initially disclaiming that I didn't know anything beyond CS, and that too beyond much of Machine Learning and Natural Language Processing, people still had questions about every field. So, I proceeded to enlighten people about everything from Business Schools in Los Angeles to how to arrange for funds if you're planning to study Astronomy and Radio Physics. Man, I felt so important when even after I stepped out, people (and that includes pretty girls) kept asking for my email address. :D
So now you know, what happens in Kolkata, stays in Kolkata. :)
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