Sanctity, the 'power'-ful excuse

I have gone into a little introspective mode these days. So the few posts from hereon, that appear profoundly philosophical to me might actually show you how much drab and crap a bored soul can actually produce.

Well, disclaimer done! So here I go:

I must give you a little background behind this thought. The first time I had thought about this was when I was in Class 5 or 6 I think. It was someone's marriage or some occasion of a get-together... and like all other kids, I was generally running around with the others. After some time, seeing us unruly kids around, someone asked us to carry baskets of fruits, brass utensils, etc. --- in general things that were going to be needed for the puja, from the house to the place where the ceremony was being held (mandap, if you know what I mean). When we reached there, we came across this aunty who was perennially angry with the world. The only way she could speak was by shouting, and always seemed flared up over the slightest excuse. Anyway, once we were there, she went bow-wow-wow about why we were carrying the sacred objects, who asked us to, etc. After being suitably answered, she pointed to a spot, and we were asked to stand outside that demarcation. I was the first one in the queue. I think she had asked us to hand over whatever we were carrying to one of the priests inside that line, and then leave. I had missed this part. So as soon as she seemed to give a nod, I walked right in with my basket, and handed it over to the man. And all hell broke loose.

The priest who was to perform the puja was smiling and was ok with this. But this lady was not. I had caused the entire sanctity of the place to go for a toss, I was told... and was also suitably informed that I was no good. After being chastised to the end of the earth, I left the mandap in tears. And all the indignation of a ten-year-old kept swelling up in my chest... and had me thinking about what exactly had I done wrong. And all I had in my heart was pure hatred for the lady.

But a funnier thing happened when I was in Class 10. At the Ramakrishna Mission, as you might already know, there is a daily prayer and bhajan scheduled every evening. Inside the sanctum sanctorium where the idols are kept, a lamp needs to be lighted every evening about 10-15 before the actual prayer started. I tried very hard to go in before everyone else and light the lamp everyday, because I liked to do it. For a few days, I noticed, one guy used to come just before I came in and went in and lighted the lamp. No matter how hard I tried, I was always late. So one evening, when I had reached the temple and saw this friend coming out of the "Garvamandir", I paused and said in a very officious tone, "It is better that only one person should light that lamp everyday", hoping to seal the job for myself. But others simply shot back, "Why?". And I had no answer.

Things did not change much when I was in Class 11-12 as well. We were to get some microphones and amplifiers, etc from one of the store rooms in our school, and I was doing this job with a couple of other guys. After we were halfway inside the room, I told them, "Wait here", and went further on myself to bring the instruments out. It was funny, really, because they could have as easily done the job themselves, and I had asked them to stand just beside a cupboard, as though an invisible boundary of sanctity . It was perhaps my way of showing that I was privileged and that they had to move up the ladder of superiority to be able to step into that part of the room.

Thus, sanctity becomes the excuse for asking somebody not to do something. It soemhow becomes a tool to exercise power, and to show how important you are. And the lines we draw to make these differences are really funny --- a spot, a cupboard, anything that stands out and can be used as a boundary is good enough. It is always a game of holier-than-thou, to be able to prove to the other person that he/she is inferior, and thereby to assert one's own superiority. Which is just like the child who is bullied at school who comes home and bullies his own siblings.

Thankfully, I have grown out of this now. "Grown out" is actually a good term to use, because as I have become maturer, I have introspected and have understood myself and my emotions better. So this blog also comes handy -- to be able to articulate what I think.

Ok, now in as officious a tone as possible, I ask you, the reader who read this but did not comment, "You should write a comment!!".

Will you return the wallet?

I have been thinking... we consider ourselves the educated and thoughtful section of the population. Therefore, we tend regard votebank politics, shrewd selfish politicians and little personal gains as our pet terms whenever we enter the 'elite' discussions. And I wonder, how do these people get so demonised? How exactly do people like you and me, who talk all the politically correct things, do things as subtly evil as Mr. Arjun Singh is up to?

The reason lies in things deeper than what meets the eye. Lets consider this: you are walking down the road and spot a wallet lying somewhere. Inside, there is a hundred rupee note and the name, address and telephone number of the person who (presumably) owns it. You don't know this guy, you've never met him. So, will you go and return the wallet or are those rupees just God-sent money for you? Close your eyes... no-one, really no-one knows about it. Will you return it? You will? Good!

Lets increase the odds a bit. There is, instead of a hundred, a cool fifty thousand bucks inside that wallet! Will you still return it? Really? And what if you keep finding such wallets all along the way every day? And what if you were supposed to book-keep the people's treasury, no questions asked, no audits done. Will you return it? Come on... nobody will know! Nobody ever knew! Will you not really keep one of them, for a change? If you still honestly think to yourself that you can return all that money, anonymous money, without keeping a single penny for yourself, you have a heart of gold. And you can be a politician.

The point I am trying to make here is that any chair of power is a temptation. And one that is difficult to resist. You reach that point.. have seen people exploiting it for generations, and know that you are immune from any kind of harm. So why not just score a little here? Just a little, sweet-heart... nobody will know!

All of us have used our 'connections' some time or the other, and don't really think too much about it. Like having your uncle in the University to get that admission, or having a brother-in-law in the police to get that driving license on a fast-track mode. This might sound big, but we are not in a true democracy. Because you still think you're blessed if you have shared the classroom with the Chief Minister's son. Because you still believe that the doctor's son should become a better doctor and continue the family clinic! Because you still feel scandalised when someone interprets the scriptures differently.

And it is because we are still the autocracy that people like Arjun Singh can so blatantly flout all diktats of conscience and do what he is doing. Because he thinks that he is the king, the ruler out here! Because he wants the underachievers to hold offices of power, to suck all the good that the 'upper castes' are bringing in and distribute them amongst the 'lower' castes. Because he wishes to let me know that I am a sinner to have been born into an upper caste, and to have been born intelligent at that. And that I must repent, for being the first class, for being a John Galt! Long live mediocrity!!

My personal bow to all doctors for leading the charge! And I wish you all the best... with all my heart! You have proved what a country where over 50% are below 25 should be like! Mr Singh, if at all you are able to 'think' some day, please have reservations based on annual family income and not what caste we belong to. Please return all the wallets which you have stolen!

Little Boy and Fat Man

"Bus kuchh kilo ka sawaal hai.. abhi to mai jawaan hoon"

Those lyrics, probably, were written after the guy saw me somewhere. Just a few kilos.. thats all!! They make a difference between me reaching the end of a little dash full and active and me reaching the end of a little dash all huffing and puffing and wishing that the world would stop for a few seconds and let me catch my breath.

I actually do not feel myself to be so, shall we say, "endowed", in my mind. It just comes back to me when I try to get in those trousers, when I tuck my belly in and hold my breath, or when I look at myself in the mirror. A friend just told me, "You look like someone familiar every time I meet you... you kind-of blow up every time". And it was a lady :(( Well, yes, things were ok till the time I was being told this by friends. I used to be cursed constantly when my roomies were forced to share a seat with me on the office bus... one guy almost always held on to whatever was left of the aisle seat for dear life. I also used to be blessed for finishing up all leftovers at team pizza lunches or even at dinner times with roomies. Well, yes, things were good till then.

But then I reached Scotland. And lapped up all the chicken, turkey, lamb, butter and cheese it had to offer. And the chocolates were awesome! Oh, did I mention the ice creams and free hot chocolate drinks? So I have now become this meatball on the move... and things were good even then. But then this time, as I reached home, even they said that I was getting more fat than desired. :(( So things are not so favourable anymore.

People ask me, why and how do you eat so much? The answer, as I have told so many times, is actually in the mind. There is a huge... HUGE gap between when I am satisfied (had enough) and I am full (can't take any more). So after I've had my meal, which is quite something, there are invariably some leftovers from others or the common bowl. And then all eyes turn to me, some smiling faces, some stifled grins... and I reach out for the curry bowl with a smiling face. It is always good to be eating.

Did I try reducing the flab? Sure as hell I did. But then... there are a thousand excuses not to be going to the gym tomorrow. And getting up in the morning and running? I don't remember the last time I saw the sun rise. Come on, it is different to be on the football field chasing the ball.. you don't notice that you are running. But running just for the sake of it is different, and difficult. But I know that all I need is a rigourous routine in my life... I am headed to the University of Texas at Austin for my MS in CS (which I plan to get converted to a PhD), and I know that I will get back to shape in a few months... so fiqar not :)

So while this little boy has grown to be a fat man from outside, the inside did not change. Abhi to mai jawaan hoon... aur hum mote hain to kya hua dilwale hain!! Before I conclude, let me tell you what my grandmother thought as she tried to wake me from sleep and I just groaned to go out and run one morning: "Oh.. poor boy.. has come back from work after such a long time... let him sleep". So you see.. a lot of time and space separate me and those calories. And I am feeling hungry, and sleepy... and more hungry. God bless food!