My election manifesto

Some people "nominated" my name for a committee of graduate students in our department, and there was an election coming up. So here is what I put forth on my election manifesto:

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If elected, I promise the following:

• Free breakfast, lunch and dinner for all graduate students everyday
• All printers in the department be converted into color printers with unlimited printouts
• Complimentary massages for everyone by a 'special' masseuse in the Taylor basement between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m.
• Full travel grants for anyone presenting anything at a conference/workshop anywhere on the globe
• Professional writers hired by the department to write your thesis and conference papers free of cost.

Heh... and you were seriously considering voting for me! ;)

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All right so that wasn't the entire bit, there was a little 'sober' text following it as well. But guess what happened at the election? I won uncontested!! :D

P.S. - You did not hear from me that we were the only two candidates running for two posts and there was no actual election. These gossip-mongers, I tell you!