A life hacker's handbook

Everybody, this is a guest post by my room-mate, Arunabh Das. Please feel free to comment, etc. (err... if you actually manage to beat Agent Smith, that is)

A Life-Hacker's Handbook (LHH) - Or how to program the matrix - (10 commandments)
I do not claim that all of the ideas here are completely original. But they are ideas I believe in, nonetheless. Let's dive right in -

#1 - You better believe it - There is a state of nirvana. There is such a thing as a state of nirvana. Not counting the ozone layer depleting, the polar ice caps melting and meteors crashing into us from outer space, i really honestly believe that it is possible to find a set of rules that you can live by, which you can apply to your life globally so as to optimize your ergenomic configuration, maximize your opportunity and enrich your existence. I guess the Chinese call it Feng Shui. I call it my Karmic Configuration. This guide is an attempt to outline those rules.

#2 - Explore Everything - It has taken me this long to come to the conclusions that I am describing in this guide and the process of exploration has been long, painful and involved. And yes. I have had to explore various possibilities in order to reach the conclusions that I describe here. They say that life is in the journey, not in the destination. But I feel like destinations can be reached, epiphanies can be experienced and conclusions can be formed...conclusions which can withstand the test of time. Realizations which will not be challenged, even though the assumptions behind some of those epiphanies may be ephemeral, fleeting and transitory.

#3 - It is necessary to make assumptions - Why is it important to make assumptions. There are many reasons but the most important reason to make assumptions about things is as follows. In order for us to make "choices", we have to make the assumption that there is a physical reality. That there are people around that may be governed by "physical laws" but they are not governed by the same rules that we are governed by. We exist because we are able to question our existence and hence we must be the observer. However, our reality is the reality that we create around us. Our reality is simply the processed output of some filtered inputs that our brains have chosen to process. So, if reality is simply the product of some synapses that have been firing in the neurons of the observer, then we must be the subject of our observations - "the observed". So, now we have the assumption about the existence of a physical reality. And we have a counter-point that the only physical reality that there is, is the physical reality that the observer of the "so-called physical reality" has engendered. These two notions seem contradictory so we shall have to reject one of them. If we were to reject the notion that our brains do not create reality, that would be the same as questioning our existence. If our brains stopped processing information, then we would not question our existence and we will, by the definition of existence, have ceased to exist? Right? So,the first notion must be the one that is true. So let's then go with the assumption that there is a physical reality. That's our assumption number #3 for this guide.

#4 - The first step....mmm...fourth step is to admit that you can manipulate reality. So the physical reality around us seems to be a world beyond our control. Why does it seem like it is beyond our control? Because there seem to be other entities that our brain has manifested that seem to have powers that we don't have. Now think outside your own brain. This brain thing wants the rest of us to think that we do not have control over the nature and behavior of "reality". And that is the reality that our brain has fed us. So we must now investigate the reason our brain would do that to us. We must for the purpose of investigating our brain's motives make an assumption again. The assumption we need to make is that our brain is trying to exist. That it doesn't want to die. And that everything it does is focused towards perpetuating its existence for as long as possible. If the brain were to make us reach the conclusion that we have total control over reality, then the brain would probably have conquered all the problems left to conquer and there would not be any problems left to solve, no riddles left to unravel, and no challenges left to face. So, creating a universe of infinite possibilities, confusing choices and paradoxical dichotomies must be the brain's survival mechanism. What then would we have to do to preserve that logic in the brain and yet, simplify our existence to the point where we feel in control. Perhaps this could be done as follows. We program our brain to do the following things. First, we program it to reject the notion that it needs to manifest a chaotic world as a mechanism to perpetuate itself. However, it may at that point self-destruct. So, before it registers that segment of code in its CPU, we buffer the following data and inject it into the CPU before the fact of inserting the first segment of code. The buffered segment being the instruction that the brain should manifest other entities which are in need of data relating to the programming of the matrix. Since the second instruction will execute after this instruction, the brain will still have a purpose and will not self-destruct.

#5 - You have now transformed yourself into a spiritual guru / avatar - Since you have tricked your brain into existing, but with fewer instructions to execute, what you have now done is become a spiritual guru...rishi...swami...whatever you want to call it. It's not the highest plane of existence but it is almost there. The only realm your brain needs to conquer now is the transcendental realm, that is the cron-job of manifesting entities around it that do not know how to program the matrix and the second cron-job of transmitting that data to those entities.

#6 - Use your powers responsibly - Since you are now a global spiritual guru, you need to use your powers responsibly. You can manifest any number of entities and transmit all the information in this lifehacker handbook to them, but if you find that you are getting some form of gratification from it, that would cause your brain to self-destruct also. The reason is that the only way to attain the highest plane of spiritual existence is to have no need for any sort of gratification and so we need to find a system to eliminate gratifying effects caused by the process of manifesting entities and transmitting the lifehacker's handbook to them. Which brings us to point #7.

#7 - Program your brain to only manifest entities that seek and try to find gratification from using the lifehacker's handbook. This would be an additional segment of code in instruction #1. In essence, the lifehacker's handbook would have to be injected into the manifest sequence so that the manifesting daemon would manifest entities that had an awareness about the LHH. Since the manifested entities now have access to Rule #7 and they are programmed to perpetuate the brain, they would automatically manifest as entities which did not follow the rule about not finding gratification from applying Rule #6...if there was to be a manifested entity / agent that did not follow Rule #7, then the daemon that spawns those processed would have to be terminated.

#8 - When attaching the LHH to the code which manifests the target entities, it may be necessary to attach it to their non-primary memory a.k.a. subconscious. If you were to attach it to their primary, then they would already have an awareness about LHH and your brain would not have any purpose left.

#9 - In essence, the only thing left to do is trigger a sequence of code which releases the LHH from the entity's secondary memory to their primary. In doing so, the entity will become aware of the LHH. Being able to process the LHH will cause it to have powers comparable to your powers and may. If it has powers comparable to you, it may either mutate by the process of code-morphing and ignore rule #7 and become an avatar itself (which is probably what your brain was hoping for) or it may just remain an entity which needs a constant refresh of the rules of the LHH so as to create enough work for your brain (which is also fine as far as your brain goes)

#10 - So the only other instruction left to include in the manifestation of entities is the code-morphing code wherein every entity manifested will over time ignore rule #7 and cease to get gratification from manifesting sub-entities and become super-entities like yourself and at that point it would not self-destruct but spawn sub-entities for the purpose of it's survival.

When enough entities with the right instructions are manifested and spawned, your brain would probably not have any purpose left and self-destruct. Mine hasn't self-destruct, cause my brain is still trying to figure out how I need to deal with this fatal flaw/ glitch in system.


  1. Reading this post is the exact way of how not to attain nirvana. I must be a very sinful person. 2 and a quarter points was all i could manage to cover of the long winding difficult hurdle-infested sleep-inducing-drug filled path to number 10 before i scurried down the shortcut to this page... Emm... all ye stalwarts of spirituality, help me... Kya din aa gaya...

  2. bahut gyaan hai par bahut lambaaaaa hai..:)

  3. Sudipta, this is w.r.t ur comment on my blog ... I usually keep stories as draft while i work on them - till such point that i either complete them or give up on them :) I must have clicked the wrong button on this one by mistake when i worked on it last. I appreciate ur comment, but really, its just an outline of a story and there's no point discussing it at this stage.

    But Shubho Naba Borsho to you too! :)

  4. I totally agree about the assumptions bit! I mean, I always get told off by assuming too much sometimes but hell, someone's gotta do it! Many discoveries come from assumptions after all, no? And true, sometimes the idea of nirvana is what keeps us going!

  5. Anonymous (R?), well, I agree and sympathise with you. Who knows, finishing the read might have actually brought you nirvana? :D

    Pallavi, haa ji, bahut lamba to hai. Abhi chhota aur non-gyaan waala kuchh likhunga :)

    Ricercar, oh, all right--- will be looking forward to the real story then! :)

    Princess Banter, wow... you must be the 3rd person I know who actually read through the entire post :) Thanks, anyway... may the million ideas of a million different nirvana-s keep us going.


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