Diving through the clouds

Imagine you are alone, at the top of a cliff. You have toiled hard to come here, and feel ineffably happy to be here. You feel that the effort was worth it. Stare around. Wonder at the open skies, the bright distant horizon disappearing in the clouds, and the slight chill in the breeze gliding across you. You feel almost like raising your hand and touching the heavens.

But you are not there for the magic touch. You are present there because you want to dive. No, you are not suicidal. Instead, lets say that you want to talk to the winds. Now look down, and all you see below are clouds. White misty clouds forming a carpet of the most exquisite texture you have seen. The light and shades form a kaleidoscope of celestial colour, all glittering and shimmering in frozen morning delight of the sunshine. You take the plunge.

Now you are sailing. Sailing as the wind sings past you. You watch enchanted as the mist blurs the difference between dreams and reality. The feeling of being engulfed in a heavenly light, and falling open-armed through a sea of white for eternity has taken over. But then you are reminded... reminded of what you may find below. It might be the ocean of the elixir of life. Or, it might be bare hard rock --- frozen solid. You had toiled for days to melt the rock below and create the sea. It has been you whose efforts should have borne fruit by now, and turned that stretch of death and destruction to a life of bliss. But now, as you fall through the whiteness, you know that it is either the life till eternity or a very sudden death, only you don't know which. How will you feel?

That is exactly how I feel now. I had toiled hard for my general GRE test. And did enjoy my moment on the cliff, after my score. And then I took the plunge, for my subject GRE in Computer Sscience. The scores are out. But I cannot get them, thanks to a grand goof-up by HSBC and their credit cards. I will come to know them in a few days, but it feels strange now. I know that my scores are out, others have come across with a good score and some bad scores, but scores, nonetheless. And I cannot even finalise my list of universities without this info. I feel like a kid sitting in front of a cookie jar in a dark room. I don't know if there are cookies or poisoned tartars inside, and I cannot find out till the light comes on.

Comments

  1. hmm.... initially I couldn't make much out of your post, I just thought that you have gone mad due to some inadverent shock... now I realise your predicament. It is easier said than done, but just try to stay calm and put on a mask of indifference in your attitude, as if nothing really matters to you. Trust me, it helps a lot.

    Meri consultation fees?

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  2. J, Well, I am not sure whether that was your exclamation of sympathy or something else. (I still remember that "Imagine a big foot coming out of the sky and THOMP" - wala post) :)

    Sunshine, well, yes, I have indeed gone mad now. Nothing else triggers poetry, you see :) Lets hope your nothing really matters attitude helps me. Advice taken.

    Consultancy fees? Check the attachment on my next email ;)

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  3. Oh! I understand how you feel!
    Just hold on for a little longer. :)

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  4. Rita, thanks... and welcome aboard! I am stuck in this horrible situation, not even able to laugh or cry for myself. But thanks for understanding, though... after the complicated post :) Will sure hold on...

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  5. Good luck with your GRE scores! Hope you get more than wht you expect and that joy would compensate for the mental trauma that you are going thru now :)

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  6. Yup!!
    Sudipta you epitomize the tantalizing feeling!
    I feel the same abt my MBA preps except that the Result wh/ has been declared (IIFT) has been +ve; but still there is a tantalizing wait for the CAT and other exam results!
    Remember Sudipta, God always saves the best for the last!!!!

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  7. Naveen, aap ke muh mein ghee-shakkar, phool-chandan, madhu, sona-chandi, heere-jawaharat... anything!! :) Thanks for the good wishes... many thanks. Will see your place now.

    Vivekanand, Thanks pal :) All the best for your results as well. Also, feel kind-a glad that someone made sense of that poetric crap ;)

    Fool on the Hill, Ahh.. of course! Thanks man, and welcome aboard! :)

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  8. All the best with the Subject GRE Score..... :)

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  9. Hehe Understanding all that..
    That's what I did for the 2 months leading to CAT; RC et all.

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  10. Evenstar, thanks :)

    Vivekanand, :) Ok now I know for sure that you'll do well

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