Like a soul lost without its body, I drift across the wide seas. I know not, when this shall end. But whoever said "distance makes the heart grow fonder", lied. It does not. Distance tears the heart apart. It makes you roam around in helpless rage, in a frustration of inexplicable sadness. I looked up at the flights leaving the airport runway each evening... the engines gunning, the sound of the airplane cutting through air, the soft dimming of the roar as soon as the plane lifts off, and then you can see the flight soaring into the distance, hurtling through thin air towards the one you love.
It is a horrible experience, to wake up each morning into an unfamiliar room. Then the memory comes rushing back to me. Why am I here? What am I doing? How will this day turn out? Will I be able to go back today? It is a weird feeling to be in - a day when you look forward to the weekdays, since the rest of the world works on these days. You live in a society, remember? Others need to cooperate with you - you cannot be a lone wolf!
But how will the moment be? Will it be as sweet as the dreams where I see my ticket home in hand? Or will it be like the horrible cold sweat I break into when I wake up from the dream? Each time, in the wee hours of the morning, the blanket/quilt over me shifts and a whiff of cold air shifts in. In my dreams at that time, I have my ticket home in hand, smiling, giving away chocolates.... and then the rude shock of waking up reminds me that it isn't there - the ticket home is simply not there yet.
The moments are lost in time. Imagining, how this could have been. Imagining, what I would do when the ticket finally arrives. Each moment spent here is one more moment away from the one I love. The moment that is painful, slipping away like water through the cracks of my fingers... I simply cannot hold on to it. Bring back, o bring back... bring back my moment to me.
It is a horrible experience, to wake up each morning into an unfamiliar room. Then the memory comes rushing back to me. Why am I here? What am I doing? How will this day turn out? Will I be able to go back today? It is a weird feeling to be in - a day when you look forward to the weekdays, since the rest of the world works on these days. You live in a society, remember? Others need to cooperate with you - you cannot be a lone wolf!
But how will the moment be? Will it be as sweet as the dreams where I see my ticket home in hand? Or will it be like the horrible cold sweat I break into when I wake up from the dream? Each time, in the wee hours of the morning, the blanket/quilt over me shifts and a whiff of cold air shifts in. In my dreams at that time, I have my ticket home in hand, smiling, giving away chocolates.... and then the rude shock of waking up reminds me that it isn't there - the ticket home is simply not there yet.
The moments are lost in time. Imagining, how this could have been. Imagining, what I would do when the ticket finally arrives. Each moment spent here is one more moment away from the one I love. The moment that is painful, slipping away like water through the cracks of my fingers... I simply cannot hold on to it. Bring back, o bring back... bring back my moment to me.
Why so much melancholy?
ReplyDeleteHari, just one of those days :)
ReplyDeleteAnd when the soul without body has been away for long enough time, you discover that parts of you were left behind where you had thought that you did not belong and that no airticket can ever make you feel whole again, a part of you will always miss a place ..
ReplyDeleteSunil, welcome to the blog! Yes, true - if and when I go back to the place, it would be akin to greeting an old friend. But love when spread around isn't divided - it grows.
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ReplyDeleteI actually never realized the pain was sooooo deep whilst you were with me. Congratulations! because your pain was caused by love. And this means you have the most important ingredient of life in place. And I pray most fervently, it'll always be in place... till the end of days.
ReplyDeleteGive it a thought : the pain of not having such a pain is even deeper.....
As Gulzar says in the title song of dil se :
dil hai to fir dard hoga, dard hai to dil bhi hoga... mausam badalte rehte hai :)
Tejas, welcome to my blog! Thank you so much for your kind wishes. And what an apt quote from the song!
ReplyDelete