Some things worry me. Actually, not me but others who read this blog. You see, anything I write here does not necessarily correspond to something happening in my own life. I know that the disclaimer posted on the blog is thick and it covers a lot of ground. The post right after the disclaimer triggered so many chain reactions from a lot of people I know. So I have decided to explain things in a way that would probably make things easier to understand. And of course the last crash course post made some of you happy, others happier... so I need to tell you how I feel so euphoric.
As an author of any story, one tries to get under the skin of the character. You will realize this if you try writing something yourself. So for example if I write about Anu the six-year-old, I try to think like her. Or sometimes when I see myself being torn between duty and emotion, I can identify with Arjuna. In some cases, lets say I'm experiencing a particular feeling. And then if I am reminded of someone I had read about or met somewhere, I can immediately feel what the person must have been feeling at that time. From then on, I can project feelings and put myself in his/her shoes and follow a chain of thought or actions to a long distance.
At other times, I try to learn by seeing others around me. I have lived out of my home for a long time, and have met lots of people. And I have observed them, quite intently. So that little shrug of the shoulder and you look away when you see that guy, or the way your voice changes when one incident is mentioned -- it rings a bell in my head. And I try to think what would have prompted that exact particular way of talking or moving if I had been you. And I know what you're thinking. Don't be misled into thinking that I'm claiming to possess some supernatural power: we all do it either consciously or subconsciously. Just that I notice myself doing this, and come back to write here about it.
Most importantly, it is stored in my head. I like to ruminate and ponder over past incidents. And as some people would attest to, I have a sharp memory. So a lot of my posts are written in retrospect. And one lone incident or person doesn't make a post. But stringing together thoughts, incidents, reactions, words uttered by people -- this is a subconscious process. Haven't you ever been suddenly thinking of phrases and sentences to say to people when you meet them? Haven't you ever wandered in your head trying to second-guess what your teacher was thinking when she assigned you this task -- "What does she really want?". Or even imagining scenarios with a that end with something like, "If it goes there, I'll walk out!"? Whether you like to admit it or not, it is your subconscious thought and pondering over stuff: you are doing what I do as well -- we ruminate.
I do not say that all posts on this blog are born out of a lot of pondering and afterthought. Whether it be my sister going away after her marriage or me getting all fired up after reading about the mistreatment of teachers after the government inviting them over for the President's Award, they are spontaneous. But most of the time it isn't. So don't worry if I'm talking evil or publishing the Desi Juliet Guide; they are just attempts at emulating or recording what I see around me, and in the way I see it.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A crash course in dumping girlfriends
Before you ask, no I did not dump any of my girlfriends this weekend. :)
Since theSingles' Awareness Day Valentine's Day is over, I am guessing its time to rethink if all those roses and chocolates were worth it. Well, actually, maybe the roses and chocolates were, (they don't cost that much, right?). But the tough part was listening to why the lipsticks didn't match the dress she wore that day. Oh did I say that was tough? That was the easy part. The tough part was definitely listening to how her best friend's boyfriend does this and that, or even that one sensitive guy "friend" is such a gentleman and all that (which of course you aren't). Admit it, it gets on your nerves. And then of course there's the endless tirade against guys and her asking you to explain why guys do this and that, why they ogle, why they don't cry while watching Notting Hill and blah blah blah blah blah blah (hehe... thats all that you remember from the yak-yak-yak, don't you?) :D So here is a crash course in dumping girlfriends and getting a favourable excuse to hit on that hot chick get drunk. The following compilation is a collection of ideas from various sources, and I don't claim they're too original.
First of all, what not to say. Yeah this you need to know before you decide what to actually say. Examples: (referring to the other girl) "She's everything you used to be before you became this". Or, for example, "You are an investment with no return". See, thats the sort of thing you say when you expect to be called a "lesser" man in return. [ P.S. - Ladies, take note: that one can do some damage! ] So these are things you wouldn't want to say.
So did you think over how to do it yet? Nothing to worry about -- here are three priceless ideas. First, try the Russell Peters way. Ask her to cook eggs (note -- not to lay eggs!). When she asks if you want omelettes or boiled eggs, thunder out - "Both!". And then once she prepares both, tell her that she boiled the wrong egg and therefore you're breaking up.
Okay okay so you thought that one might not work. Well, here's another idea. Tell her brother that you want his permission before you go to the next "base" with her. That will definitely take care of the "break-up". Oh all right, I get it, you're very desperate and these seem long winded methods. The simplest method? Send her a weighing machine! :D
"Well, what can I say at the special moment, if I still want to do it in person?", you ask. Don't worry -- there are enough lines there too! The standard ones: "You know you're a great girl, right?", "Its not you, its me!", "You deserve better than me". See, these lines paint you black and let her go away feeling better. But there are alternatives if you want a share of the "self-respect" pie as well. For example, you could say "Aren't 5 years long enough already?". Oh wait -- thats one of those lines you should not say. My bad. You could rephrase it like, "You know, after five years, I think we also need to explore other options". Or maybe "I'm trying to quit my ganja habits: you can help by not showing up". But seriously, the best breakup line: "So long, and thanks for the kiss"! :D
Finally, what can be a parting gift? Remember, whatever you give might be hurled back at you. So bouquets, individual flowers, handkerchiefs, wad of tissue paper: all great ideas. Steam iron (to iron out differences), pair of scissors (cutting of the link), that old half-eaten bottle of jam sitting in your fridge (kuchh meetha ho jaaye): not so good ideas. And whatever you do, don't go deliver the weighing machine in person! :D
So here's wishing you a love-ly yeah ahead... may you be blessed with the right person for life, and may you not be cursed with anyone otherwise!
Since the
First of all, what not to say. Yeah this you need to know before you decide what to actually say. Examples: (referring to the other girl) "She's everything you used to be before you became this". Or, for example, "You are an investment with no return". See, thats the sort of thing you say when you expect to be called a "lesser" man in return. [ P.S. - Ladies, take note: that one can do some damage! ] So these are things you wouldn't want to say.
So did you think over how to do it yet? Nothing to worry about -- here are three priceless ideas. First, try the Russell Peters way. Ask her to cook eggs (note -- not to lay eggs!). When she asks if you want omelettes or boiled eggs, thunder out - "Both!". And then once she prepares both, tell her that she boiled the wrong egg and therefore you're breaking up.
Okay okay so you thought that one might not work. Well, here's another idea. Tell her brother that you want his permission before you go to the next "base" with her. That will definitely take care of the "break-up". Oh all right, I get it, you're very desperate and these seem long winded methods. The simplest method? Send her a weighing machine! :D
"Well, what can I say at the special moment, if I still want to do it in person?", you ask. Don't worry -- there are enough lines there too! The standard ones: "You know you're a great girl, right?", "Its not you, its me!", "You deserve better than me". See, these lines paint you black and let her go away feeling better. But there are alternatives if you want a share of the "self-respect" pie as well. For example, you could say "Aren't 5 years long enough already?". Oh wait -- thats one of those lines you should not say. My bad. You could rephrase it like, "You know, after five years, I think we also need to explore other options". Or maybe "I'm trying to quit my ganja habits: you can help by not showing up". But seriously, the best breakup line: "So long, and thanks for the kiss"! :D
Finally, what can be a parting gift? Remember, whatever you give might be hurled back at you. So bouquets, individual flowers, handkerchiefs, wad of tissue paper: all great ideas. Steam iron (to iron out differences), pair of scissors (cutting of the link), that old half-eaten bottle of jam sitting in your fridge (kuchh meetha ho jaaye): not so good ideas. And whatever you do, don't go deliver the weighing machine in person! :D
So here's wishing you a love-ly yeah ahead... may you be blessed with the right person for life, and may you not be cursed with anyone otherwise!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Legacy
I was visiting somewhere and I would meet up at a friend's place every morning to pick her up in my car and leave from there. Since it was really early, she would toast bread and make warm coffee for the both of us for the few days that we were touring around. Every morning, she would warm the milk, and then put a full tablespoon full of instant coffee into it, stir it and then hand it over to me. On the toasted hot bread, she would put a dollop of butter and serve it on my plate as the butter was melting. This was very different from the way my mother would serve it at home. Coffee would be served by mixing a small quantity of instant coffee with a cup full of milk. Butter would be spread on toasted bread with a knife, and then put on my plate at home. The first day my friend served breakfast this way, I thought it was because we were in a hurry. Then I realized, after this repeated for the next few days, that it was probably what she knew from her mother... it was what she considered normal. This was what had been passed to her as legacy.
At that time, I felt it was improper of me to say the classical "but this is not the way my mother makes it"! This was something that is passed on to every generation from the last one. It merges so many different cultures, so many different beliefs. In a household, this is what begins so many saas-bahu dramas. The bride comes into the house and learns that things are done differently from home, that the potato is cut in a different manner, the water is added a little later than the way they do it at home. And she adjusts. Or perhaps she just keeps mum to avoid any troubles. On the other hand, if its just the new couple living alone, they adjust and form their own rules. The guy finds a new custom of using mouthwash after a meal, maybe. Or simply enjoys a new customary dessert of chopped fruit and milk every other night. To their kids, this will be what is 'normal', to have the fruit-and-milk dessert at night. And when they marry, they will find that the other family does not have the delicious dessert at night, and will tell their spouse one day, "You know, we should have some fruit-and-milk dessert at night". The custom, the legacy thus lives on.
It is interesting, isn't it, how we decide what is 'normal' based on our own experience? Actually, we don't even decide or even believe the customs to be normal; we just "know" that they are normal -- this is how it should be. A lot of our prejudices, a lot of our conflicts are rooted in just this -- our belief of what is "normal". It is always the "others", their pagan beliefs, their weird ab-normal customs and their un-cultured ways. We tend to define progress and civilization as sending a man to the moon (this should remind you of the movie Agantuk by Satyajit Ray). We tend to define how men and women should walk and talk normally. And we try to define everything we do as "normal". And when we meet the other culture, its always the white-man's-burden, the rush to "teach" them civilization. For the longest known history, I think this is what has motivated a lot of people and justified wars to them. Not to the rulers and kings, mind you -- but to the foot soldiers. Save the ignorant natives by killing them, and by thus showing them the great wonders of how developed we are. Ours is the only true God, ours is the only true civilization. We never take a moment to understand what the others are doing, how they have progressed through centuries of civilization. We never take time to re-define civilization as we know it. We believe ours is the only true legacy.
I'll close with this quote from Swami Vivekananda, at the close of the Parliament of Religions in Chicago, 1893: "In spite of this evidence, if anybody dreams the exclusive survival of his own religion and the destruction of the others, I pity him from the bottom of my heart and point out to him that upon the banner of every religion will soon be written, in spite of resistance, "Help and not Fight", "Assimilation and not Destruction", "Harmony and Peace and not Dissension"". Tolerance, isn't that the greatest legacy?
At that time, I felt it was improper of me to say the classical "but this is not the way my mother makes it"! This was something that is passed on to every generation from the last one. It merges so many different cultures, so many different beliefs. In a household, this is what begins so many saas-bahu dramas. The bride comes into the house and learns that things are done differently from home, that the potato is cut in a different manner, the water is added a little later than the way they do it at home. And she adjusts. Or perhaps she just keeps mum to avoid any troubles. On the other hand, if its just the new couple living alone, they adjust and form their own rules. The guy finds a new custom of using mouthwash after a meal, maybe. Or simply enjoys a new customary dessert of chopped fruit and milk every other night. To their kids, this will be what is 'normal', to have the fruit-and-milk dessert at night. And when they marry, they will find that the other family does not have the delicious dessert at night, and will tell their spouse one day, "You know, we should have some fruit-and-milk dessert at night". The custom, the legacy thus lives on.
It is interesting, isn't it, how we decide what is 'normal' based on our own experience? Actually, we don't even decide or even believe the customs to be normal; we just "know" that they are normal -- this is how it should be. A lot of our prejudices, a lot of our conflicts are rooted in just this -- our belief of what is "normal". It is always the "others", their pagan beliefs, their weird ab-normal customs and their un-cultured ways. We tend to define progress and civilization as sending a man to the moon (this should remind you of the movie Agantuk by Satyajit Ray). We tend to define how men and women should walk and talk normally. And we try to define everything we do as "normal". And when we meet the other culture, its always the white-man's-burden, the rush to "teach" them civilization. For the longest known history, I think this is what has motivated a lot of people and justified wars to them. Not to the rulers and kings, mind you -- but to the foot soldiers. Save the ignorant natives by killing them, and by thus showing them the great wonders of how developed we are. Ours is the only true God, ours is the only true civilization. We never take a moment to understand what the others are doing, how they have progressed through centuries of civilization. We never take time to re-define civilization as we know it. We believe ours is the only true legacy.
I'll close with this quote from Swami Vivekananda, at the close of the Parliament of Religions in Chicago, 1893: "In spite of this evidence, if anybody dreams the exclusive survival of his own religion and the destruction of the others, I pity him from the bottom of my heart and point out to him that upon the banner of every religion will soon be written, in spite of resistance, "Help and not Fight", "Assimilation and not Destruction", "Harmony and Peace and not Dissension"". Tolerance, isn't that the greatest legacy?
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