Skip to main content

A crash course in dumping girlfriends

Before you ask, no I did not dump any of my girlfriends this weekend. :)

Since the Singles' Awareness Day Valentine's Day is over, I am guessing its time to rethink if all those roses and chocolates were worth it. Well, actually, maybe the roses and chocolates were, (they don't cost that much, right?). But the tough part was listening to why the lipsticks didn't match the dress she wore that day. Oh did I say that was tough? That was the easy part. The tough part was definitely listening to how her best friend's boyfriend does this and that, or even that one sensitive guy "friend" is such a gentleman and all that (which of course you aren't). Admit it, it gets on your nerves. And then of course there's the endless tirade against guys and her asking you to explain why guys do this and that, why they ogle, why they don't cry while watching Notting Hill and blah blah blah blah blah blah (hehe... thats all that you remember from the yak-yak-yak, don't you?) :D So here is a crash course in dumping girlfriends and getting a favourable excuse to hit on that hot chick get drunk. The following compilation is a collection of ideas from various sources, and I don't claim they're too original.

First of all, what not to say. Yeah this you need to know before you decide what to actually say. Examples: (referring to the other girl) "She's everything you used to be before you became this". Or, for example, "You are an investment with no return". See, thats the sort of thing you say when you expect to be called a "lesser" man in return. [ P.S. - Ladies, take note: that one can do some damage! ] So these are things you wouldn't want to say.

So did you think over how to do it yet? Nothing to worry about -- here are three priceless ideas. First, try the Russell Peters way. Ask her to cook eggs (note -- not to lay eggs!). When she asks if you want omelettes or boiled eggs, thunder out - "Both!". And then once she prepares both, tell her that she boiled the wrong egg and therefore you're breaking up.

Okay okay so you thought that one might not work. Well, here's another idea. Tell her brother that you want his permission before you go to the next "base" with her. That will definitely take care of the "break-up". Oh all right, I get it, you're very desperate and these seem long winded methods. The simplest method? Send her a weighing machine! :D


"Well, what can I say at the special moment, if I still want to do it in person?", you ask. Don't worry -- there are enough lines there too! The standard ones: "You know you're a great girl, right?", "Its not you, its me!", "You deserve better than me". See, these lines paint you black and let her go away feeling better. But there are alternatives if you want a share of the "self-respect" pie as well. For example, you could say "Aren't 5 years long enough already?". Oh wait -- thats one of those lines you should not say. My bad. You could rephrase it like, "You know, after five years, I think we also need to explore other options". Or maybe "I'm trying to quit my ganja habits: you can help by not showing up". But seriously, the best breakup line: "So long, and thanks for the kiss"! :D

Finally, what can be a parting gift? Remember, whatever you give might be hurled back at you. So bouquets, individual flowers, handkerchiefs, wad of tissue paper: all great ideas. Steam iron (to iron out differences), pair of scissors (cutting of the link), that old half-eaten bottle of jam sitting in your fridge (kuchh meetha ho jaaye): not so good ideas. And whatever you do, don't go deliver the weighing machine in person! :D

So here's wishing you a love-ly yeah ahead... may you be blessed with the right person for life, and may you not be cursed with anyone otherwise!

Comments

  1. The question of Dumping comes only after you have a girlfriend around. Now we need a crash course for 'Making' girlfriends

    ReplyDelete
  2. haha.. you seem to be an expert on non constructive relationship activities!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Totally LOL! Now can you also tell how to dump boyfriends? ;) You can complete the series!

    ReplyDelete
  4. why would anyone cry while watching the Matrix? What kind of women have you been dating?

    Sky

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jeevan, oh all right -- will teach that to you folks some time :)

    Galadriel, of course! Lets just say I make more opportunities ;)

    Alpine Path, umm... maybe you're better off without knowing my ideas from me. That post can cause me to get "broken-up", if you know what I mean.

    Sky, heh... exactly my questions! :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hehe...typical 'Sudipta' Style...
    Hows was your valentines day, Btw...
    lol
    Good one, Bhai :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have to agree with Sky there...

    ReplyDelete
  8. And the source of the wisdom would be personal experience? ;) We dont count anecdotal experiences of other ppl as worthy source of such important gyaan! :P

    ReplyDelete
  9. hehe.. interesting read! seems like you are quite experienced in this matter! :)
    btw, I am kinda new reader of your blogs - liked quite a few of your posts.. Keep posting! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. would be good if you can back this up with personal success rates!
    anumits

    ReplyDelete
  11. Varun, bhai sab mast idhar! Like I said, it was Singles' Awareness Day for me :)

    Mala, I'm tempted to change that Matrix word there to Notting Hill (probably would). But one doesn't need to go through all that to know.

    Ellie, awww... did I touch a raw nerve there? Did you boil the wrong egg for someone? :P

    Tanwistha, welcome onboard! And thanks for making my day by telling me that I have a new follower of my blog.

    About the experience, no ma'am -- you don't need to stab yourself with a knife to know that it hurts :)

    Anumita, personal success in dumping girlfriends?! You have too high an opinion of me :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are brilliant sudipta,
    A genius I must say,
    Mr Mutalik would love to have you in his brigade, ever thought of joining him??

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mampi, heh, even if you were sarcastic, I completely knew I was a genius all along :)

    About Mr Mutalik's brigade... tempting, but I guess I'll get him divorced himself if he sticks around for too long around me :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOL.........nice 1....i desperatly want 2 read an articl bout how 2 differentiat n decipher guys.....al seem d same 2 me....22 yrs of existnc in dis wrld hasnt given me enuf knowleg n enlightmnt so as 2 understand dis rare species!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Shagufta, first of all, look around, seriously... we aren't a rare species at all! Did you happen to read the desi romeo guide? That will definitely help you a lot! :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Maa khuh chihal a panjam hastam

The hit counter on my blog reached 20074 today. Why you may ask, is that news, and why hadn't I cheered myself up when it was at 20,000 for example? Well, it is news because 20074 has been a very special number for me during my entire college life: it was my admission number, and my system-wide unique identity. It is strange, and surprising, how these numbers become a part of our identity. The social security number, the passport number, the id number in the college, or even your roll number somehow becomes an almost innate part of the day-to-day life. As soon as I see the same number somewhere else: maybe on a telephone, on a hitcounter, maybe somewhere else... a thousand memories are triggered. As my eyes struck the hitcounter showing 20074 right now, I was thrown back to memories of filling up exam answer sheets, hostel admission forms, library recall requests, and so much more! I believe that number was present on almost every official form which I filled in college: even when

Swami Vivekananda and the Indian Renaissance

The following is an article I sent to my mother based on which she presented at one of her conferences. Do read. =======================================  The common perception of Swami Vivekananda as the religious leader who preached Hinduism to the West and established the Ramakrishna Mission in India is a very limited definition of the impact he had on the collective psyche of the common Indian. Besides his direct impact in adding steam to the Indian Renaissance, a large part of his thoughts and writings also affected the other stalwarts of the movement. While fathoming the entirety of his impact on the Indian Renaissance would be impossible, we will briefly explore some aspects of his influence in the following pages. Raja Ram Mohan Roy is generally credited with ushering in the revolution. His numerous ventures that contradicted the prevailing religious opinion of right and wrong broke the stranglehold of the prevalent quasi-religion, the norms of society and its sole autocrati

Tips and tricks for the GRE

Hello everybody, First of all, I thank all of you for the good wishes and congratulations that you have sent... either as mails, PMs, or anyhow. I have also been getting a lot of mails from people asking for tips and tricks and how I made it to the 800 in quants and 700 on the verbal. So if you are prepared for a lot of gyaan (which I love shelling out), here you go: 1. How long does it take to prepare? A: There is no definite time frame. But about 2-3 dedicated hours a day, for about two-and-a-half months is enough. Then, again, it is dependent on your level. To find that out, I'd suggest that you should take one paper-based test that is there in the front of the book (Barron's, Kaplan, anything... or even the Big Book). If you score about 750 on the quants, and about 500 on the verbal (no cheatings, etc) then the time frame I've said should be enough. If you scored more, great... you should try to get to around 1550!! But if less... well, spruce up depending on how