Fun with dick and name

A lot of people have asked me over the years why I was given a girl's name: Sudipta. Actually, in Bengali you pronounce it as Sudipto, but the correct translation from Sanskrit is Sudipta. Sort of like you call Ram as Rama, सुदीप्त gets written as Sudipta. In the US, almost everyone struggles to pronounce my name. So I ease it for them, by saying "Call me Su". I am told there is also a song that goes by that name, but we're digressing here.

The fun with having a name that spells like that of a girl is that a lot of people also assume that you're a girl when they haven't met you. This includes email groups, mailing lists, potential employers, pen-pals... the list goes on. Some people are heartbroken when they come to know about this: one dude from Bangalore even added me on his IM, called me via Google Talk, and then upon hearing my voice decided to commit suicide (well, almost). :D On the other hand, when girls interact with me, they assume that I'm a girl. And then they come to know the truth, they are very surprised (and I always pray to God that they should be 'pleasantly' surprised). But I don't know whether that adjective applies.

So when I am bored, once or twice a year I log into a Yahoo chat room. My yahoo id begins with 'sudipta', so it is usually a lot of fun getting into these chat rooms. You wouldn't believe the incredible amount of pick-up lines I've learned by visiting them. As soon as I enter, about 10-12 windows open up within a couple of minutes. The usual ones go as "22/m/mumbai" or "hi, wanna chat?". But there are some extreme lameass shayaris such as "Aap aaye to jaise is chatroom mein chand aa gaya" (When you joined the chatroom, it was as if the moon shone here). And of course, there are some slimy gropers who begin with "Hey baby what are you wearing today?". :D I am usually grinning when these IMs pop up, but it is fun playing along and then shattering their mental image in the end. One guy, however, even in the end of the chat refused to believe me, until I had to release a barrage of words we used in engineering hostels to express ourselves. He was very convinced after that :D And don't even get me started on the way the queen's language is sodomized in such conversations.

One of these days, I was extremely bored, and I mean extremely bored. So I joined a chat room in Kolkata which had enough members. Pretty soon, a lot of IM windows popped up. After explaining to a few people that I wasn't interested, one guy seemed particularly desperate to chat: part sleazy messages, some random shayari, some emoticons of roses, etc.. It became a torture answering the interrogation: where do I live, what do I study, how many siblings do I have. And the guy wouldn't go away.

Now I had this brilliant idea... what cannot be cured must be endured! I became the cute-eyed damsel in distress and told him that I am new to the whole chatting thing. I had just come there because someone suggested this for some personal help I needed: some private counselling. Needless to say, this guy was very interested. Within 5 minutes he divulged everything about himself: such and such college, 4th year, living in hostel, home in this place, etc. He was even prepared to come down to meet me! Now he was very curious about what private and personal counselling I needed. So I explained:

- I'm 26 years old, and my parents have fixed my marriage.
- oh you don want arranged married? Wanna love marriage?
- Not exactly... I don't know anything about sex.
- o.k. I can tell you everything! Pretend that I'm your husband and it is the suhag raat
. . .
. . .

What followed was a complete description of what you can imagine. While I rolled about on my bed laughing, this guy proceeded to explain the intricate details of what clothings look like, et cetera. Every once in a while, I would interrupt by saying, "You cannot do that!" or "No, I will not allow it..." and he would proceed at length to explain why it should be 'allowed'. And while he was at it, I was laughing... I think I even fell off the bed in glee once. :D Finally, when it was time for him to show his assets, it became too much for me to handle. As a guy, as long as someone is describing female features, it is okay: but otherwise it gets a little nauseating. I suddenly typed in all caps: "OMG YOUR DICK IS SO SMALL -- ONLY 2 INCHES!!'. The guy was scandalized. He tried to convince me so earnestly, "No no no ... it is really long". And at this time I was almost in tears while laughing. And I did the best thing I could imagine -- I suddenly logged off. :D

Comments

  1. he he... so u had sex with a man, ok virtual sex that is :)

    When we were coming to US as students, we had contacted each other in India via emails and stuff. So I had this one friend who came into contact with a friend named Manjeet and he imagined him as a guy, so he kept asking about how many underwears to bring and if they were expensive in US, gosh he was so embarassed to knw that it was a girl, these punjabi and bengali names I'm tellin ya.

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  2. LOLOLOL!!! that mustve been hilarious!!!!

    read ur blog quite often...this post i had to comment on!! :)

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  3. Are you a Guy?So why do i visit here .*Feeling Cheated* :P

    Such chating is my hobby.
    My aliases - Rita,Reshma and Ruby.
    hope we cathup on yahoo sometime. It will be real HoT dada. :D


    He he Neways it was gud masala read.

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  4. I always knew you were a boy. A naughty boy, but a boy nevertheless.

    Of course, I seem to remember long ago when I had a doubt about your sex, but I never assertively thought you were female.

    But I bet you get such ideas from those new Virgin Mobile ads. But maybe you gave them the idea in the first place ;-)

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  5. whoa! bad sudipta, bad bad sudipta!poor guy with 2-inch dong. tsk tsk.

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  6. I assumed you were a girl when I read the occasional mention on Mad Momma's blog until I visited your blog and realized you were a "daddy" .

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  7. hilarious!!

    So when people asked a/s/l, you said 24/F/USA??? :p

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  8. Maverick, hahahhahaa.... how many underwears to bring!! :D I'm sure the lady had a lot of information to share :D

    Sunshine, thank you! :) You just made my day. And welcome onboard, of course...

    Vinay, ho ho ho... hold your horses there! Rita, Reshma and Ruby? Hmm... I might need to check my IM list ;)

    Hari, virgin mobile ads? I haven't seen them! Can I file a copyright infringement lawsuit, you think? :D

    Galadriel, yep, poor guy! :P

    Never mind, aloha, welcome onboard! Umm... permission denied on that blog :( But glad to know that I get mentioned on other blogs! :D

    Gradwolf, naa.. the 24/f/mumbai works so much better :D

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  9. Sudipta watch this one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNQjNmHIMko

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  11. The name Sudeepta has led me through circumstances similar to what you have mentioned. The one that takes the cake though is when I joined my first employer as a fresher and on the company IM people would keep on adding me !! It seems some guys would scavenge the company employee information site looking for females to pester with such puerile pickup lines that I was ashamed of my brethren.You get to see a very different world though Sudeepta/Sudipta tinted names I guess :)
    The toughest part is making people understand the spelling Vs pronunciation as I am not too convinced myself. But now I will always point them to your post.
    Thanks :)

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  12. LOL!

    like soooo many others, even i thought you were a girl.... till i read the post about your sister's vidaai.... i read that thrice i think... the second time to confirm if this was a girl or a guy writing and the third time because it was so beautifully written... :)

    the chat incident is fab.... remninded me of the days i used to chat... assuming fake aliases.... those were the days...

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  13. Actually I know a Supriya (whos a guy) and Krishna (who's a girl). I am guessing it was Supriyo?

    Hilarious post!! Awww the poor chap - I am pretty sure he's gonna take those "increase your dick size" spam mails very seriously henceforth hehehehe :D

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  14. I dont know why but I never for a moment thought u were a girl. I have a friend Sumanta, so I was kinda sure it is Sudipto pronounced as Sudipta or is it the other way round? Its the same with Sumanta, and I address him as Shumonto- reasonably good, arnt I? Considering that I am from Punjab.

    Now about the post
    WICKEDLY HILARIOUS !!!

    Keep it up

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  15. Hi Sudipta,

    Thanks for posting my blog on Blogbharti.

    And by the way this first post that i read in your blog saved me from flirting with you (LOLOL!!)

    Its good humour and hope you will enjoy that always!!

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  16. Why does this goddarned voice start blaring out ads every time I open your blog?

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  17. What an interesting life you lead , my friend. that chappy singing about the moon was talking about your butt!

    so youre part gay then.

    * running away before SU- DIPT - OH/AH can massacre Grafx*

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  18. Hari, now, I should file for copyright infringement!! That was a great video... thanks! :)

    Sudeepta, hey, great to know another Sudipta who shares the same predicament! And people keep adding you on your company IM with puerile pickup lines? Whoa!! Dude, you should totally "bust their chops"!! :D

    And more pointers to my blog? You are the very welcome.

    Shrinidhi, yep, poor guy with 2 inch dong! :D

    Anks, hey, long time no see!! Oh my... you should've told me earlier... we could've had some "girl talk" :D And you read a post thrice?! Hmm.. now I'm honestly flattered. And hey, those days aren't over yet!! Go get 'em, tiger!

    Supremus, yeah and I swear the most unisex names are those Punjabi names... Jaspreet, kKiran. And yeah... now that you mention, I'm sure he would follow his "Spam" folder very seriously. :D

    Manpreet, you're really good with Bengali names... some old birth maybe? :)

    Naveen, awww... too bad I missed some fun :D Thanks, mate, and welcome onboard!

    Wonderful person, you're right... I was trying to earn some money by this, but it is very annoying. I'll get rid of it.

    Grafxgurl, hey long time no see! About massacring you, naah... I got better ideas. When the time comes, you'll know :D

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  19. Quite an understandable thing. But with names like Kiran, Gunjan, Navjot etc, which can be either boy or girl, it's double the fun!

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  20. What if it turns out the other person was a girl and playing along with you...? You know she could have been rolling on the floor too :)

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  21. Aaj kal hamesha Yahoo! chat mein busy rehto ho kya? :P

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  22. To avoid all the confusions in the future, place this blog-post link in your Yahoo! or gtalk status ;)

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  23. OMG, you should have posted the entire conversation you know ;) :P

    But seriously, cyber sex with a guy...cmon!

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  24. Pradeep, welcome onboard! Yeah I agree.. the trouble in dealing with these unisex names is that if you're too brash, it may be a complete shut off. On the other hand, too chocolaty and you may become reject material. Happy hunting, though! :)

    Anumita, and be pleading that the dick is more than 2 inch long? Hmm... now I would want to meet her! :D

    Manasa, nahi re... time nakko. But zis confusion me like! :)

    Phoenix, welcome onboard! Umm... post the entire conversation and let out all my tricks?! Naah... I don't think so :D

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  25. ROTFL! Bengali names can be a bit tough for people from other states/countries to decipher. Same with Suparna...definitely safer to spell with an 'o' or do away with the vowel altogether. I'm a Bengali, too, albeit with an uncomplicated name!

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  26. Mystic Margarita, welcome onboard! Heheh... I usually shorten my name down to "Su"! But you're right -- Suparna sounds uncomplicated enough :)

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  27. Lol I knew you were a boy when I started following your silly blog! After all I am a member of "The cult of Sudiptya" on facebook, as should you be.

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  28. Elly, hey - thanks for reaffirming my gender! :) That cult on facebook isn't for my blog - I would have happily joined it then!

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