Bless those search engines

When I had published this list of bizarre search engine queries, I thought they were the weirdest ones you can come up with and land on my blog. But, as always, life never fails to disappoint. Ladies and gentlemen, presenting, another set of queries that led to this blog, grouped together for common answers:

Interracial fantasy stories; Desi fantasy ladki; Life porno ee: First of all, an ROTFL... okay now let me catch my breath. For the love of all blogdom, what exactly did you expect to find here? Inter-racial fantasy stories? My dear dude/dudette, all those hot blonde chicks you see in the movies don't even give a second glance here towards me, let alone the fact that they are surrounded by tons of Salman Khan replicas. So 'inter-racial' fantasy stories will remain just that --- fantasy! And if you were searching for desi ladki fantasies, you might find yourself suddenly a deeper shade of beet red than those actual beet ads if you happened to know anyone else's fantasies but your own. Hah, from these searches I feel as though I might have a career as a porn star as well... err, "creative" writing star for life, I meant! EEeeeeee :P

Couple nude bangla wife pictures; Dating married woman site in kolkata; Divorced men Indian: Whoooo hahahhaa.... my dear reader, I had just threatened to become a pimp in that post I've linked to: I haven't actually become one! See, on one hand someone was searching for divorced Indian men, and on the other hand someone else was looking to date married women in Kolkata! So don't you see the "nude bangla wife" connection ?? (Err, "divine" connection, that is). See, all you need to do is to find each other; and not necessarily through this blog. You know, in this age of Web 2.0, you can do that on any of those million fraanship sites mushrooming everywhere of which I receive 20 invites daily: any one of those will suffice. Do I really need to know the details?

Discovering that a trusted friend backstabs you: Yeah, buddy... Brutus borrowed the dagger from me personally when he went to stab Caesar. That spear is available on demand when you want to stab your best friend: but remember, only backstabs are allowed. If you try stabbing from the front, that dagger becomes a duck and goes "quack-quack"! Oh, by the way, if you've been the fool that got yourself stabbed, then your orbituary is already here. No need to discover anything any longer... your epitaph will bear testimonial to the fact that you did discover this blog before the final decision to end your life in protest against such atrocious writing.

The gropers handbook of tricks: Oh yes, thats right! I almost forgot: I have perfected the subtle art of groping and have published the handbook of tricks. Very briefly, you need to sneak up on the victim, preferably in full public view where everyone is maintaining a good deal of personal space. And then once you are in front of her, jump in and go about your task like there is no tomorrow. Which, if you think about it, is true --- I doubt if there will ever be a tomorrow for you if you do that! ;)

Desi guys; Desi romeo; My kind of guy poem; What is my kind of guy: See, you can always trust Mr. Google! You were searching for the perfect guy, the perfect desi romeo. And you wondered aloud, what would your kind of guy be like? Google devta answered your query, brought you to my blog (like Lord Shiv from Sholay with Veeru providing playback). Lady, look at the divine omens: open your eyes and look how the stars are conspiring and pointing to you, time and again, that you don't need to look any further. Thou knight in shining armour is here, o damsel; come with me and I shall take you onto the flight of a lifetime... *sigh*. There is no need to fear, underwear is here!!

Okay, now for the one-line answers to the 'lesser' queries:

Midnight driver guide: Yeah of course, given my driving skills, who else could be a better guide?

Disco thake in surat: Abe, kamse kam discotheque ko disco thake to mat bana!!

Black bharatnatyam pics: Tai, kath... theyyy, katt!

Brahmi girl pictures: Sorry, she's booked for tonight. :P

Nude roomie: Heheheh, my roomies were NOT pleased to know of this query! :D

Non veg sms: Okay, how about this: I've lost it! :P

Miti drink nude: Huh??

Swimming underwater fully clothed: Splash-splash, chhalaak-chapaat!!

Parna+Sushmit: May the two of you live long, my dears... my best wishes are always with you. Tell me this, though --- did you two happen to meet using any of the queries above? :D

Comments

  1. Hilarious... absolutely hilarious... the poor sods, all disappointed now :-p

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  2. "The gropers handbook of tricks" -- Absolute ROFL!!! Jesus christ - what are ppl searching for these days!!!

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  3. Hhehehehe.

    My fave's still..black bharatnatyam and nude roomies ;p

    Add disco thake to the list.

    Sky ;p

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  4. oh why did i forget the gropers handbook!! Add that above Mr. Thake.

    Sky again

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  5. hhhmmmm on the whole ur blog seems to be more porn friendly than search engine friendly :), my stats show me such funny queries too, think i shd also publish them sometime :)

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  6. Hari, yeah... but I'm sure the "my kind of guy" people aren't so disappointed! :D

    Supremus, yeah... I too spent a lot of time grinning when I read that.

    Sky, yeah, but you forgot my reply to the Non-veg SMS! As they say, it was a "touche"!!

    Maverick, would love to hear them!! BTW, porn friendly?? Lets just say it suits the right audience :P

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  7. :-) Can you tell me how these search engines work? :-)

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  8. hehehe..from where you get ideas to research on..:).

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  9. dude.

    i think youre on the wrong planet.

    the worst keyword analysis i ever got was "INTERACIAL WEDDED BLISS"

    your blog must be circulating among some extremely controversial groups!!

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  10. ROTFL...poor u !!..pity u,really-Ms NMA

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  11. hahahahahahahaha

    and i thought i'd heard it all!

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  12. :--) How do you find out btw, as to what query brings people to your blogspot?

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  13. Alka, believe me I can --- that is my current area of research! :)

    Pallavi, exactly!

    Grafxgurl, controversial groups? Bring 'em on --- any publicity is good publicity. And about the inter-planetary business, yeah, I'm definitely out of this world! :D

    Miss NMA, why exactly am I the subject of your pity?

    Rajarshi, oh well, wait till you come to your college and you'll know better! :D

    SK, oh, take a look at the column on the left. You'll notice a list of the last 10 referrers. You can install that on your blog, too!

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  14. pity ?..i actually pity those gross search engines which lead such crazy ppl to ur blog !!..though ur blog is a place for high minded ppl like me :P-Ms NMA

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  15. EXPOSED!
    excuse me...i think it was me with the 'miti drink nude'...i actually meant 'might drink nude...tonight'..
    you kno...generally one of my hobbies...like my friend who likes to 'swim underwater fully clothed'..

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  16. i was laughing at this hilarious one too...
    but i think u ll post another set of queries, cuz this post will lead to other worse search queries..
    especially tat swimming thing with all your accompanied splashing on your post..!!

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  17. Hahahaha -- if you heard something thud against the floor, that's me hitting the floor from laughing so hard over here.

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  18. The best disco thake... ROTFL...

    Amazing... made my day...

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  19. Since you have published this post you'll get more such hits...

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  20. Sky, since you are mentioning Sky as your name, why don't you select the "Other" tab while writing comments and leave your name there? It may not be your actual name, just as Raman isn't mine, but since you're using it here, might as well call yourself so.. What's the use of calling yourself anonymous if you're leaving a name?

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  21. Miss NMA, oh yes of course! Where else would I find such an exalted audience? :D

    Allie, hahahah! So you were actuallydrunk when you searched for this gem? :D

    Bhuvanesh, welcome onboard! I know this is a vicious cycle. Will post the new ones only when there is something really better!

    Princess, yeah... I too had a similar reaction! :D

    Nishesh, welcome onboard! And come on... gropers' handbook??

    Shrinidhi, yeah I know that. But these queries will not find the right answers any longer.

    Raman, lets just say that not everyone is going to be a computer engineer! :D

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  22. oi...

    im back again:)
    need to ask u if u kno how to get rid of that 'previous ten post' thing...do i make sense?

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  23. Allie, I think I know what you mean --- please drop me an email and we can take it offline.

    Mommyof2, yeah, looks like I am. :)

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  24. 'nude roomie' -hehehehehe


    I am back!! :P

    Caught up on all ur previous posts..good work..keep writing!

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