Wishing for anonymity

When I signed up with blogger about two years ago, I never knew what to expect. I was just trying to get a little more net-savvy then, and therefore getting a blog was the next cool thing to do. I guess my initial posts were all therefore quite disjoint and frankly of 'yuck' standard. Don't bother going through the archives of 2004 or even early 2005: I know they form the classical definion of crap. But then my writing began to mature, and I perhaps began to use this blog more as a medium of expressing myself and penning down thoughts that would otherwise be lost after some introspection into the recesses of the brain. And I felt happy about that: since the joy of blogging is in the unwinding, in the open declaration of your ideas. And more importantly, perhaps, is the fact that there cannot be a better way of having a one-way conversation where you can ramble on and on uninterrupted with your train of thoughts.

But then as I visited other blogs, I noticed the phenomenon of comments. And the ugly thing called ego raised its head. So I religiously surfed the blogs and commented on anything possible, following link after link after link on blogs and commenting on all posts possible. Soon, I had my own share of comments coming in, and it began to feel so good to receive thoughtful comments or laurels for the posts. "Nice post... keep going", "Ha ahaha.. that was hilarious" and "Wow... I have been reading your posts for a long time and never commented but I am a big fan of yours" started happening, and soon this blog grew into a place where I could speak freely and write about all I wanted and actually get lauded for (or appropriately critiqued) for the posts. Soon friends, family and everyone found me blogging, kept reading and commenting on the posts. And only I know what treasures and gems of people I have met and received in life through being a blogger... God bless them all.

My life has always been an open book, and there has rarely been anything I needed to hide from anyone. If I have been a scheming miserable wretch, I have said so. If I have received laurels, again, I have said so. But then, life throws moments and situations at you which don't involve just you, but a lot of other people as well. And this is where the trouble starts. Most of the people I know in personal life know that I have a blog as well. Be it friends, family or anyone else... at some time or the other I have received orkut scraps or emails or a comment here from people who I never thought knew or cared about this blog. And there are so many things that I sometimes wish I could express about them: how sometimes I hate them, or sometimes I worship them. How sometimes I wish they did the 'right' thing, or stopped doing the 'wrong' things. How sometimes I wish I could be like them: they form my everyday heroes and villains. And it is then that the hand falters. Because I cannot write that down here: because this blog has become too entwined with my real identity. They may be sublime thoughts, beautiful posts or even just plain and pure evil being expressed: but I cannot post them here --- there is simply too much at stake.

I wish, therefore, to forge a new identity somewhere. To create something that will not be traceable to me: so that tomorrow you may come up and discuss with me about that blogger who writes something that so closely resembles you in the subject, but cannot trace down to some real personality. I wish to go anonymous, to worship my heroes and spew evil at my villains, to express my deepest darkest desires and also to let the world know the sacrifices that I have had to make sometimes just to see a smile on someone's face. I want to create a virtual alter ego: I wish for anonymity!

Comments

  1. But then when you start becoming anyonymous, you start yearning for a day when ppl will figure you out and they can exclaim - "Oh it was him! I could never guess that!" :D :-).

    I say be who you are. And your offline life is more important than a blog. So if there is something that you dont think needs to be public, maybe its good that it isnt :)

    BTW, I left a comment under a diff name on your last post. Hope you guessed which :P

    S

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  2. I know you feeling. I have exactl y gone through with what you have gone through. But I never wished to be anonymous. Feel free to criticise and praise has been my Mantra :-)

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  3. Hey I can totally understand what you are saying. Good post again!

    When you create a new blog, pleaseeeee give me a clue to trace that.:)

    You can mail me the clue or the blog id at mirals2000@rediffmail.com

    It will remain a secret!
    -Rani

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  4. Not so anonymous! I'm still checking up on you!!
    Hope you're well!
    Zoe
    ps. I'm still sitting at the same desk you left me at - there's no escape!

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  5. I too wish to have another blog where I can write without hesitation. But as supremus say, its good if something remain private. You can praise your heroes and give lots of gaalis to non-heroes in person.:-)
    But who am I to tell you what to do? Don't know why I agree with supremus.

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  6. I feel the same way too.. My blog is semi anon since I can't wait to share my kids pics & stuff;-) And couple of my friends know about my blog and thats what hesitate me to write what I really want to sometimes..

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  7. Supremus, yeah true... so true! Again that is the frail ego in the picture: what use is writing those gems if you can't take credit for them :)

    In the last post you left a comment as Supremus itself... or so I thought. Or did you leave 2 comments?

    Manish, yes I am glad you understand. I do that free praise and criticism at times, but some things are best expressed via literature than just a verbal tete-a-tete.

    Rani, oh good... see, great people think alike!! :) About dropping the hint and all: well if I do come down to creating another space I'll visit your blog under a different identity. We'll see the fun then.

    Zoe, hey!!!! I'm so glad to know that you remember me yet. How was your trip, and how are you? Oh well I guess I have a lot to catch up with you --- I'll drop an email. I'm doing great thanks! :)

    Alka, yes what he says is true. Perhaps some things are best left unsaid. Lets see what I think some months from now :)

    P.S. - You may not be anyone to dictate to me what I should do, but I do value your opinions and suggestions as a friend. So feel free to share your views please :)

    Mommyof2, yes I noticed on your blog that it is sort of semi-annymous. But yes the pics of your children definitely priceless and you do want to show the world that. But again I understand your predicament of not being able to write all that your heart desires.

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  8. LOL, the cycle of 'blogging' seems to be the same for everyone. The intial flush, the rush after comments, then a need for anonymity, and then finally a resigned fate- where nothing matters, either the regularity or the comments : anonymous or otherwise.

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  9. My first comment..

    I hope ,..I am not the villain you want to spew Venom on..
    I will be quite defenceless...

    Now I can proudly say I have been reading your post for a long time.. and also made some comments

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  10. That's a fantastic idea..wishing for anonymity..it'll help u spread ur wings further and express far more than wat u do right now...all d best for this new venture !!...BTW r u inspired by me ? :)-Ms NMA

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  11. After the hitcounter goes beyond 5000 for a blogger, the whole idea of blogging being able to write your heart out fades away...but i would prefer to use my vocal chords to express those deepest feelings to a close friend rather than keying in the words to look for sympathy among strangers..

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  12. Deepak, yeah well said! So which is your blog? Oh, BTW, welcome onboard!

    Anil, yup thanks for dropping the comment: and no after such a grandiloquent praise about me on your blog, I can't even dream of spewing venom at you :) Do keep visiting.

    Ms NMA, yes the idea is partly inspired by you, but more than that it is a feeling that comes from within. Thanks for the support behind the idea... lets see if I do start something.

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  13. Cardamom, ah long time no see. I don't think the idea of writing our hearts out fades away with time: I'd rather say that they form the sole sustaining motivation behind blogging. But you threw open a whole new way of looking at my wish: that of seeking sympathy among strangers. On second thoughts, I don't think I seek sympathy or anything; or even would seek. But yes, I agree that unburdening oneself to a close friend is always a better option than to open the whole pandora's box before strangers.

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  14. really cool man.awesome thinkin.wel i gues some realy stuf comin out!heh

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  15. When you write about real life, people interpret the way they like.
    And it is very hard to explain to people, especially, to close ones that there is a genre of writing called 'fiction' and it has nothing to do with the real life.
    When these two - real life and fiction - get mingled, anonymity is the only rescue.

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  16. Very true! A blogger first yearns for readers, then comments and finally anonymity. You just can't know who is reading your blog and that makes writing from the heart a really scary thing to do, more so on touchy matters. So, what have you decided? Hey! give a clue to your new blog(if u are going anonymous) so that I don't miss out on the "Sudipta" flavoured posts. :) ok?

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  17. Marian, hey, welcome onboard! Umm I am not sure, but something might come out :)

    Aashun, hmm... powerful insight, sire: very well said indeed! And I guess I should also say welcome onboard! :)

    Alpine Path, 'Sudipta'-flavoured posts? I am honoured, really! :) Yes I haven't created any such blog yet, but if I do, I might keep a trace for the intelligent reader :)

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  18. hmm...waise my blog life is still in its farex-eating bed-wetting age..so time would instill the desires in me to go anonymous...waise bhi mostly i scribble fiction...and hey my comment was a generalised one..i didn't point fingers to anyone..btw strangers no longer remain strangers here..funny place this!!

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  19. Hi sudipta, I did read your posts at times and liked them but perhaps never comeneted' yes I am one of those readers of your blog!
    nice writeup.

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  20. If it helps, you're still a stranger to me (since this is the first post I've read from you, courtesy Desipundit). Good luck.

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  21. When I started blogging I chose to have a blog name instead of a real name mainly because I did not want future employers to find my blog.

    Sad.. but that was my only reason, but now I like being anonymous, and no one frm my real life (other than my husband) knows its existence and I like it that way

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  22. Think of the day when someone you worship will find out that you've gone anonymous (--and will that anonymity be entirely non-MAC?--) to spew venom at people. Because I get the impression that the desire to spew venom contributed significantly more than the urge to worship your heroes in giving birth to this idea. And if you do go anonymous, make sure that you become famous.... ;)

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  23. Cardamom, koi baat nahi bhai: some day your blog will become the cyber equivalent of 'Gandalf the White'. And yes strangers no longer remain strangers here... it is a small world.

    Rachana, thanks a lot, really! I honestly feel flattered when I read these comments. :)

    Vi, hey, welcome onboard! And thanks... even though I'll be really flattered if you actually cared to read through the archives.

    Thanu, hey! Now thats some motivation... I think I read this rule somewhere that one should write on his/her blog only what would be fit on one's boss's desk. And you must be really feeling great about your current anonymous status right now --- where only your life's other half knows your other identity! :)

    P.S. - Thanks for dropping by!

    Raman, oh yes I know for sure that I'll become famous if I went anonymous. ;) The desire to spew venom is as strong as the one to worship --- although I don't really see why someone I worship will be offended if they found that I have gone anonymous!

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  24. Thanks a ton for the help with psql last night...you're a lifesaver!!

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  25. Serious introspection - it seems! I totally agree with supremus - someday the 'anonymity' will also bug you... but best wishes anyway...Waiting for another post on Linux...

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  26. Das, my pleasure, sire! A little R&D for me and some consultancy for you: it is a mutually beneficial affair :)

    Ritwik, hey long time no see. Yes Supremus had hit the nail on its head. Thanks for the wishes. Dunno when I'll post something on Linux ... well maybe I will --- thanks for the idea!

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  27. I totally relate to what you're saying.

    Sometimes, I want to write something but don't have the guts to put it down under my name - it may hurt some people or just bite me back someday.

    I just want some anonymity then.

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  28. I am completely anonymous to my family and most of my friends. except those whom i am really close to and have known for a while...

    even though a few blogger budies know me out of the blogworld....i still rant and rave and say what i want to..

    dont hide under anonymity totally....it helps to let a few chosen people in....but yeah....do change your blogname...thats a good step

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  29. Swapna hey! Thanks for dropping by... and I agree with what you say. Don't worry, you can either create a new blog or just go ahead and write it out. It is never too late, you know! Will visit your place now :)

    Grafxgurl, I guess it is too late to change the blog's name. I'll let it be. Maybe I'll create something anew somewhere. You are blessed indeed (or perhaps have been cautious enough) not to let your identities mix.

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  30. Yes, I can relate to that need. But have you thought of a situation where you want someone to read your thoughts on your blog, it would be so much simpler than saying them aloud. At such a time, your real identity will help you. For every other time, why not start another blog that is totally anonyous. Just my 2 cents :)

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  31. Alpine Path, I may be a little too brazen for doing this, but I prefer talking straight than getting the message across by indirect means. Even if that means saying a no straight on the face: sort of cleans my conscience, so to say!

    Yes the other blog might start soon or later: depending on how I feel the need.

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  32. I think it's good that we use self-censorship in cases, when we know that our mom is also reading the blog.

    On the other hand, it is a bit of a nuisance but I take pride in keeping my blog clean of excessively personal stuff that would bore the hell out of my readers.

    And no, I don't have a secret identity yet. I'm not Shaktimaan. :-p

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  33. hmmm...anonymity..sounds nice...
    m blogging since last three years n have gone thru quiet same feelings n when i deleted my last blog(two n half yr old blog :(( )a very same post came out of my mind...n i m really shocked readin very same lines again...n guess wht..my new blog's title z invincible anonymous..

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  34. hmmm...anonymity..sounds nice...
    m blogging since last three years n have gone thru quiet same feelings n when i deleted my last blog(two n half yr old blog :(( )a very same post came out of my mind...n i m really shocked readin very same lines again...n guess wht..my new blog's title z invincible anonymous..

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  35. Well... its very natural to urge for anonymity when you have so many things to pen down... but after all its your dicretion whether or not to let people decipher all your thoughts and watch all your actions...

    Mebbe, a good idea would be to maintain two blogs... this one intact, with innocuous stuff and the other one wherein you could spurt out the subdued thoughts. :)

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  36. Hari, hahaha... Shaktimaan! That was funny: but yes it will be difficult to play Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde --- I too try not to admit too personal stuff on the blog. Maybe someday a darker sibling of this blog will appear.

    Invincible, you deleted your two-and-a-half-year-old blog?? :O Well, I just hope I don't have to do that ever ... my sympathies with you! All the best for your new venture, and do keep visiting! :)

    Ships, hey long time no see! What you say (or suggest) is precisely what I have in mind: to someday make a new blog with a completely new identity and run them in parallel.

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  37. Wow... I have been reading your posts for a long time(i.e.for the last 30 mins) and never commented but I am a big fan of yours ;)

    Curren

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  38. CK, thanks... and welcome onboard! :)

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